Awkward ...

For some reason, I continuously find myself in awkward moments. I wish I had the knowledge of how to extricate myself in these circumstances, but instead my typical reaction is to turn beet red or stammer. Now don't get me wrong, if it is a situation where I could care less about the other person's opinion, I'm a force of nature. It is those moments when I actually care what people think that I lack finesse.

At a recent meeting, I mentioned that I knew of a local band we could hire for an event. I was asked if I meant Tested on Animals. The look on my boss' face was classic. I'm sure he didn't know what to think at that comment. As much as I enjoy listening to Shane belt out a cover of the Toadies' Possum Kingdom, I can't see the group enjoying this song about death. I tried to shake off my embarrassment and respond, but I was then asked if I meant Erin's sister's band. I finally managed to respond that I had been debating Good Night Gracie, which thankfully someone else in the meeting had seen perform. The reason I felt uncomfortable besides the fact that one of my favorite local bands has an atrocious name and a hard-core rocker image in town, but that this was a professional meeting with colleagues who don't know me as well. I didn't want the group-at-large to view me as some bar-hopping kiddo. I wanted to be viewed in a professional light, though among the local people at the table, I had the most night-life experience.

If I wasn't red-faced by then, the next part of the conversation had me wincing. A comment was made about late nights at conferences. Somehow the conversation turned to the most recent conference and about some people lacking sleep or being out late. One of my recent roommates mentioned how all three of us who shared our room had been prepared for bed well before 10:00 pm on more than one occasion. My boss chimed in mentioning the one exception when I had been out late...barhopping. I responded back that I had not been barhopping, but rather I visited one bar in Cincinnati.

Awkward much? I was trying to come across as professional, yet people were commenting on my late night behavior, which is quite hilarious. Yes, I had one late night last week. And yes, I do love to go out dancing or to see local bands. But since my diagnosis, I have rarely been out late and I definitely don't enjoy alcoholic drinks anymore. It's funny how some people still view me as the party girl, especially as Becky, Erin, and I recently discussed the fact that our recent "late nights" have involved movie nights and game nights rather than the bar scene.