Quiet

I have been very quiet recently. There are many reasons for this as life has decided to drop an avalanche on me. Just to give you an idea of why I have been keeping silent, here are the things influencing my life:

- Illness My immune system has been completely depleted between the narcolepsy and fighting this infection. The shock and awe treatment of a heavy antibiotic and six daily doses of Prednisone worked to a limited degree but did not completely eradicate the infection. The specialist has ordered several tests so that is how I'll spend the next few weeks. I can't even begin to explain how frustrated and miserable I have felt the past few months.

- Extended Family Dad is once again in WV. They are closing the family farm and possibly selling it. The farm has been in the family since before the Revolution and includes two large farmhouses that are filled with generations of family material. Dad is moving my grandfather from the farm and my grandmother from assisted living into an apartment that was built on my aunt's farm which is more than an hour away from the family homestead.

My mom's sister, Kay, who I am close with, is on a lung transplant list. Unfortunately, the doctor's have not given her a good prognosis. They have been blunt about the fact that her body can not handle another infection and we have been told to spend what time we can with her. Of course because I have an infection I can not visit, which breaks my heart.

- Immediate Family Dad has been undergoing a number of tests but unfortunately the docs can't determine the final diagnosis or the seriousness of the situation. Either way, dad is struggling with his own health issues while dealing with the emotional ramifications of his parent's situation. Mom and dad are both now officially retired and once again living in the same house. At minimum, I spend three hours a week on the phone between the two of them. I feel like a parent refereeing between the kids.

Jo and I have spoken a total of fifteen minutes in the past month because she's still mad at me. She may or may not have cancer. She may or may not have a heart condition. She may or may not have a neurological issue. Every hour, I receive conflicting information via Jo's text messages or when speaking to my parents. There was an incident recently which left her hospitalized for four days. Once again, more conflicting information. I am the girls' guardian, except Jo never completed the paperwork, so should Jo become incapacitated (as she was recently), I will be faced with some major legal drama with her exes. I hope not to test whether Florida family courts believe a stable home environment is better for children than an ex-con or an absentee father who refused to visit his child post-surgery or the weeks she was in ICU. Then there is the emotional ramifications at the thought of Jo being sick and whether we can overcome the issues that have created this breach in our relationship. Jo can't drive at the moment so my mom cancelled her trip to visit her sister Kay because mom felt the need to take care of my sister. I fear mom will regret this decision.

- Work I can't discuss roughly 60% of my daily work situations. Either they involve personnel issues, contract or financial discussions, or there is some other confidentiality issue. I do find it frustrating when people comment on how I spend my time at work. Considering I'm working 60% of my old job, 100% of the former assistant manager's old job, 20% new work that has been created, and preparing the department to host a national conference this summer, my workload is overflowing at the moment.

- Board My position as a Director on the FGS board has heated up. I'm co-chair of a committee that is about to implement a project that has been in the planning stages for years as well as redeveloping a current weekly workflow. Then I am a member of another committee where I had the sole responsibility of evaluating and developing a new project. This has led to me being granted permission to create a new secondary committee to implement my proposed ideas.

As you can see, I've had plenty of reasons to keep quiet. It's a lot to take in, much less that I am an emotional mess once I start talking or I'm a geyser of rushing information as I try to get it all out at once. So those moments when I smile or laugh, they are true miracles to me.