At first I had no interest in trying my space or facebook. Then someone who shall remain nameless convinced me to open a facebook account just to check it out. I understand the concept and have disliked the idea of random people I don't know contacting me to be "friends". It holds no appeal. I'd rather make the effort with people who are really going to be friends or acquaintances. I thought it was interesting at first that individuals I barely knew contacted me to be "friends". I couldn't understand why they thought that since I didn't talk to them in everyday instances that I would in the virtual world.
We all have personal histories. There are those individuals who have hurt or angered us in the past. I mean the people we would never have contact with even if we were the last humans on earth. One of my former friends, who I have not spoken with in over 8 years, sent me a "friends" request. I was so shocked I didn't know if I should ignore it or comment back. This is an individual who did something to me so atrocious that after 8 years, I was shaking just to see the name. Why would this individual feel they could randomly send me a "friends" request? How could they feel comfortable after all these years to contact me and especially in this fashion? I mean a phone call would have been more appropriate. Also, I have avoided posting my name and contact on most sites, such as this blog. True, I have my name on facebook, but I have since married, changed my name, moved, and changed careers. It would take a lot to mine the changes of a decade.
It all leaves me with an uncomfortableness that I can't avoid. It makes me take a moment to question whether I should continue with facebook. Of course, now that I've been contacted by one out of the two most hurtful individuals in my life and survived, maybe I'll continue.
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4 comments:
I,too, find facebook weird. And I too was contacted (actually by many unknowns), but a guy that went to my high school. Again, my name is different and I don't live in Brooklyn or NYC for that matter. How and why did he contact me. It turns out he just wanted me to attend a high school reunion, BUT STILL. It's weird.
I got onto Facebook, at the behest of my 20-something daughter and future son-in-law so I could check the photos they post (although I understand some folks think Moms checking children's pages is "creepy"). I've noticed for my daughter and future s-i-l, Facebook helps them keep up with the many and various friends and acquaintances they have made in high school, college, grad school and outside activities during that time (part-time jobs, organizations). They were good friends once, and want to remain in touch.
For us older folks, I've been contacted by a few from my past, but they, and I, mainly just want to "catch up," not try to recreate any bonds.
However, I can not imagine anyone I ever knew, especially those who weren't as nice as I might have liked, contacting me as if nothing ever happened. The person you describe as trying for a contact sounds totally self-centered (wouldn't you want someone who was mean to at least KNOW and perhaps be embarrassed?), and clueless besides.
Do what you must to feel better, then pray that that person gets all they deserve.
I opened a Facebook account because one of my friends was on there and instead of sending me an e-mail she would send me a message via Facebook, and of course in order to read it, I had to open a Facebook account. Drove me nuts, but oh, well.
Since then, I have reconnected with a few friends from high school and posted a list of people I would be interested in reconnecting with in case someone knows where they are.
I have also been contacted by a few people with the Friends request that I was kind of surprised to hear from - some former co-workers I really didn't know that well, etc. But I think what it is is the term "friends." I don't mind having them in my contact list, and I did contact some people who I would label as more co-workers or friendly acquaintances than friends. So maybe it's the term "friends" that makes you uncomfortable in some cases. Does it make you less uncomfortable if you think of them as contacts instead?
As to the person who did you wrong many moons ago - I once saw an application come through from someone I went to high school with. I had had a low opinion of this person based on things that happened in high school, some hurtful and deceitful things, and when I mentioned this to Charlene she said, "Hopefully they have made some changes in their life since then." But the way she said it, I could tell what she really meant was that I was perhaps wrong in judging this person by things they had done 15 years before. In my mind, that person had remained static, and my perception had not allowed for that person to have matured, learned from mistakes, and perhaps have become a better person.
That doesn't mean I would gladly accept this person as a friend now. But it would be interesting to learn more about what happened back then from her point of view.
Oh, I forgot - I have only been contacted by one unknown so far, some veterans group or something. I'm not sure if I did something in the settings to weed out people or what, but it is rather interesting.
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