Klutz Factor

Yes, I am an absolute klutz. I am the woman who went on a hiking expedition in a foreign country and tore the ligament in her ankle. I am the girl who went white water rafting and fell out of the boat. Don't get me wrong, these scenarios have not stopped me from still trying my hand at new adventures. Though I know plenty of people have told me to give up.

This week, my klutz factor has been in overdrive, but in simple scenarios. As I was leaving work the other day, I dropped my coffee mug which fell to the ground with an audible bang as the lid popped off. My coworker happily pointed out my tendancy to drop things. Earlier that same day, my laptop bag had slipped off the desk denting my computer. This morning as I was coming in, I ended up wearing half of my coffee in the car. As I searched for paper towels, I realized they were in the back. These are the same roll of paper towels that Michelle gave me in Florida because I had spilled coffee over five times in my new car.

Here's to hoping I have used up my klutz points for the time being.

Irrational Fears

I met my deadline! I finished my big project by February 14. Now to determine what to do? Since most know and there is no point in hiding what I have been working on, I might as well say my big project has been writing a book. I have finished an 80,000+ word manuscript.

I have some wonderful people who have offered to read over my work and critique it. I hesitate to send my work because I fear facing these same people after they have seen my words. I imagine them being embarrassed after reading what is in my head or thinking, how the hell does she think she can be a writer. These scenarios scare me every time I decide okay I'll send the first few chapters to so-and-so.

My original idea had been to have a group critique my work and then send query letters to some agents this spring. Now I cringe at the idea. How could I think I could face people reading my work? Maybe I should just keep it to myself. What if I am as bad as I am beginning to imagine? I know other creative people have these same fears, so I'm not alone.

I have another story I have already begun to write. The new one covers content I am more comfortable writing. I keep telling myself the second one will be better, so I should set the first one aside and focus on the second. The naive part of me believes the second story is better and I will fell more comfortable having people read it. Or is this another delay tactic on my part? It's hard to tell.

So at this time, I am torn between wanting to share my work that I have struggled through for the past year or letting my fears control me. Now I sound like one of my characters. If you know me at all, you know fear dominates most of my decisions. I either fear something and plow ahead to show I can or I let the fear take over. In both of my stories, the main character is facing a great fear. Art imitating life in my case.

Digital Frustration

I know the new digital signals are supposed to improve our lives and make it better as our local television channels keep telling us. I just find the whole thing frustrating. Yes, I am one of those people who still have rabbit ear antennas. I refuse to pay for cable. I watch enough tv with my farmer five channels, thank you. I went ahead and bought a digital tv to replace my smaller television, so I have slightly adapted. We requested a coupon for a converter box for our main tv. We are on the waiting list and don't know when we'll get the box.

Congress delayed the conversion until June, but unfortunately our local tv is still changing over on Tues. My hubby and I went and bought a DVD recorder, so we can record shows off the smaller tv. Simple solution for the time, right? Wrong! The DVD recorder is so complicated that even my hubby and I after spending hours playing with it still can not record anything.

I'm glad to know digital is supposed to make things better because for me, it's just a joke. Anyone want to come over and hook up my tv? Or do you have the same issue?

Wedding Anniversary

James and I celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary over the weekend. For those who know our story, you know we are two crazy fools who had a whirlwind romance with a lot of comedic errors that has led to a crazy marriage full of comedic moments. Our anniversary was no different this year.

We did not go on any grand adventure trips this time around. We tried to have a relaxing weekend at home. We perused our photo albums remembering old times and selecting photos for a collage we are making of the first five years of marriage. I am determined we will have a photo from each year that reminds us of the big events in our lives that year. Some years, there are horrible photos which make it difficult to select one. This lead to many laughable moments remembering the past few years. We have the photos of Naples, Tampa, building our house (such a joke), family moments (niece, nephew, wedding), getting the dog, my cooking adventures, our friends, traveling around Florida on weird vacations, and New Zealand.

Then there was the dinner plans. I thought we could go to a nice plan downtown. Little did I know downtown is shut down on Sunday. We tried one restaurant to discover it closed, went to another, which was closed. Finally settled on a new restaurant in town, which was tasty. Wouldn't have selected it for an anniversary dinner, but the food was good and we had ample conversation, so all around a nice night. Just another well-planned event in our life that did not turn out the way we planned, but was better.

The one picture is from our wedding. The other is from this weekend. Shocking how we have changed, yet we are still the same crazy people.

2009 Goals

Now that a month has gone by, I wanted to see how I've been progressing on accomplishing my goals. I realized as well that I did not actually post my list this year. I think it's because I'm still reticent over some of my ideas, therefore will not be posting about them until I decide to act.

So here's where I stand so far.

1. Become more tone. Workout 3 times a week and build myself up to a routine everyday.

Results so far: 3 out of 5 possible weeks, I accomplished this goal. Now, I'm upping it to 4 times a week.

2. Finish my big project by Feb 14.

Results so far: I believe I will meet my deadline. My fear is I will be too scared to have people critique my work. I have a wonderful group of individuals who have offered, but I am still terrified. I keep psyching myself by saying everyone's first try is not on par. It's acceptable that my work will be substandard. Right?

3. Take at least 4 trips this year.

Results so far: I have booked a trip to Florida in April. It will be short and sweet, but enjoyable.

I guess I'm on my way to completing some of my goals. It's good to know I'm starting the new year off right. How about you?

Being a Librarian

Preface: Everything is okay. No need to worry, I promise.

Aha! moment. I am a librarian! It means when I am told something that confuses me, I can research it. I had one of those moments this week. You know, where I realized I could use my knowledge of ciphering information and determining the validity of my sources to help me in my personal life.

I had an appointment with the doctor and in the course of our conversation, he realized there was a problem (remember, everything is good). As he sat in front of me with his elbows on his knees, his head resting in his hands. He kept rubbing his hands back and forth across the back of his head. I can tell you this caused me much anxiety seeing how frustrated he was by the situation. His assistant could not think of a better option either. I decided to mention a decision I had made that may alter my treatments, and he looked up at me with a big smile and said it may work. He proceeded to give me some options based on my response. I thought great, I'll just go home think things through. No big deal!

Once I got to the car, it hit me...I am making some big decisions about my health care. I became anxious, until a phone call to a friend reminded me...I am a librarian. I can make an informed decision after looking into my options. It was a load off my mind.

It got me thinking, how does the average person make critical decisions without having the knowledge base I have acquired in my career. Even though (I swear), my decision was not critical, it will impact my life. Without having the comfort of knowing I could reassure myself by reviewing my options at my own pace, I'm unsure how I would have faced making my decision. Very glad I'm a librarian.