A Musical Vibe

In response to my previous playlist post, Delia mentioned that she is spending time listening to Evanescence's Bring Me to Life, which is a great song! I managed to shock Mich by having Usher and Rihanna on my playlist since according to her, a few years ago I would have "booted others out of the car for playing that," but my Eminem revelation was something she hadn't known.

Mich & I on stage singing I Will Survive

My fascination with Eminem was prompted by Chris O, who is also responsible for introducing me to what one friend called, "the greatest invention ever," the dueling piano bar. In 2000, Chris got us a front row table at Pat O'Briens which is an awesome venue and I have been hooked ever since and have managed to drag a few friends into the mayhem. So it is fitting that my next playlist is the dueling piano bar request list.

Songs that are my regular requests when at a dueling piano bar:
- Violent Femmes Blister in the Sun
- Green Day Longview
- Dexy's Midnight Runners Come on Eileen
- Def Leppard Pour Some Sugar on Me
- Gloria Gaynor I Will Survive
- Kid Rock All Summer Long 

I have been informed that the top four on my list are very sexual in nature and the first two focus on masturbation. So it's not surprising that I have been known to also sing along with such similar songs as:

Crystal, Mich, & I singing Sweet Caroline

- AC/DC You Shook Me All Night Long
- Divinyls I Touch Myself
- Jimmy Buffett Why Don't We Get Drunk

 
Now this is not to say these are the songs that put me in the mood because I do have a sexual playlist which prominently features one band, Dave Matthews Band. There is something about the soulful rhythm of the music, the pulsing beat, and the raw emotion as Dave Matthews espouses erotic lyrics that made this young woman's heart race and still does.

Erin & I at HATM-Chicago for my 35th

Songs by Dave Matthews Band that still get to me are:

- Crush
"Lovely lady, let me drink you please. I won't spill a drop I promise you. Lying under this spell you cast on me. Each moment, the more I love you."

- Say Goodbye
"And in your eyes I see what's on my mind. You've got me wild turned around inside and then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here."

- Crash Into Me
"And I come into you. Hike up your skirt a little more and show the world to me...I watch you there through the window and I stare at you. You wear nothing but you wear it so well, tied up and twisted the way I'd like to be."

- Two Step (the entire song is worth a listen)
"Say, my love, I came to you with best intentions. You laid down and gave to me just what I'm seeking. Love, you drive me to distraction ... Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth, grown tired of water all the time. You quench my heart and you quench my mind."

Do you have any special requests at bars or any songs that bring on a sexual feeling?

My Intimate Partner

My favorite pic of us (note our hands)

Intimacy is a very important component in each of our lives yet many people focus too much on the physical and refuse to acknowledge the emotional. I think because the two are linked in people's heads, most equate them as the same thing, yet they are dramatically different and should be acknowledged as such. I admit to having issues with physical touch. For many years, I would flinch or react instinctively when someone touched me unexpectedly. I know this is startling when you consider that I am now a touchy-feely type of person, yet there are moments when I still cringe inside while at other times, I yearn to be held more. I will never feel comfortable with PDA, but find myself frequently reaching out for the reassurance that can only be found when in the presence of someone I care for and trust. Though this is physical, part of it is emotional.

I admit to having an adventurous past, yet the two people who have the most intimate knowledge of me have never been my lovers. I won't embarrass the one person, but they are fully aware of their uniqueness in my life. The other person is the great love of my life, John. I've been thinking a lot about him recently, especially as I've been viewing my life through his perspective. He always had demanding yet deep thoughts on friendships. John and I had a powerful friendship, one that reverberates through my life and will forever. This is the intimacy I'm discussing. Not that he knew all my secrets, far from it, but he knew my soul. He was passionate in his love of me and brutal in his criticisms. He taught me not to pull my punches with those I loved because it had to always be honest and pure.

So I believe intimacy can be more than just sex. It can be more powerful and instrumental in a person's life. For myself, I wouldn't be remotely close to the person I have become if not for John's influence in my life. He made me a better person while teaching me the importance of acceptance. If not for him, I wouldn't have realized my worth, discovered someone could love me, or found a way to heal. I truly believe this because I am fully aware of the circumstances at that time and can honestly say, I'm not sure anyone else could have gotten through to me. He opened the door for me to choose this life I have. Every friend and love I've had since is thanks to John.
In the past few months, I've realized that some of my more permanent scars are beginning to heal. This is greatly influenced by some of John's more poignant life lessons and I wish he was here for me to share. I wish he knew that because of what he taught me, I've opened myself up to some people who have helped me achieve an acceptance of myself and them which has allowed me to feel safe enough to heal.

Perfectly captured moment

I have few regrets in life but one of them is living everyday with the knowledge that John died without knowing how I felt. This is why I regularly tell my friends and loved ones how much they mean to me. Because John died at a time when we weren't speaking to each other, when I believed I had more time. John didn't know that he would be a presence in all my relationships because he set the standard for them all. How can one forget the man who taught you to accept touch, to accept love, to say those words, to trust? The only person to know the true depths of your despair and the raw pain of living? The person who not only pulled you from the brink but leaned over the ledge to hold onto you for as long as it took and promised to never let go? I wish he had known the depth of my love for him; my continued amazement at his saving me, mind, body, and soul; that I cherish every moment I had with him; and that there are days I still believe I will never discover a love as pure as the one I had with him.

John was one of my most intimate relationships, yet he was never my lover. He was the great love of my life, but that doesn't diminish my relationships with the other amazing people who I have come to love as well. Because without John, these other relationships would never have developed.

Let's Talk About Sex

I apologize to all the men out there who have ever been unfairly accused of being pervs, especially since it was probably based on the theory that men think and talk about sex more than women. This is such a generic statement and has no basis in reality. I can promise that sex is a regular topic of conversation between me and my female friends while it is rare among my male friends. And yes, I know there is the assumption that men discuss the cruder topics more than women, but I would argue against that belief. Considering some of the comments I have heard from women concerning a man's physique and stamina, women can be just as crude. So let's discuss sex! A topic of conversation that has become commonplace recently involves dry spells and I'm curious if men and women view this topic differently.

My gals are probably rolling their eyes because they know my very strong and vocal opinion concerning single people and dry spells. Have a fling! I do not recommend this for someone in a relationship, but for those who are single, go have fun! Find someone in your life who you find attractive, but recognize the person is not a potential long-term possibility. I recommend someone who is quite different from you that way the attraction may remain superficial but you can test yourself by trying new things. If you're not worried about impressing the person, you might be willing to experiment more. Having a fling can boost your ego, help with self-discovery, and push your limits. Imagine someone as type-A as me with a Cuban artist who reveled in the open-anything-goes liberal lifestyle. A person can learn a lot about hidden interests and needs while in a safe environment so why not take advantage? I understand not everyone feels comfortable with the concept of flings, so what would be another recommendation to ending a single person's dry spell besides those toys of ours?

For those who are married, it is a question of timing and frequency, but not all couples have a regular sex life. Sorry to tell those who are single, but marriage does not guarantee an active sex life either. There are many married people who suffer from long dry spells. This is when our friend, the sex toy, once again can be an amazing resource. Obviously couples should address the issues that are preventing them from being intimate, but the reasons may be beyond their control. When aware of these reasons, can the couple live with these circumstances? Each couple is different so the answer varies. But does this mean there is not an emotional connection?

I have a married friend who "schedules" sex just as a person would schedule a date. My friend believes that a couple should have weekly intercourse otherwise there is a loss of connection between the couple. Does that sound accurate to others? How often should a couple expect to have sex? And a better question ... when life gets in the way, how long should a couple wait before forcing the issue and planning an intimate moment? And I know there are some who believe it should come naturally and should never be planned. What do you think?

Any thoughts or responses to this subject? I'm quite vocal about my opinion and would love to hear from other people. And yes, you can comment anonymously if it makes you feel better.

It's a Groove Thing

A month ago

Road trips, GNOs, my wild party past, and anger management share a common thread in my world ... music. The words, the rhythm, and the emotion are reflective of my own feelings and temperment or they can influence my mood and trigger memories. Certain songs and bands immediately make me think of specific individuals from my life and associated memories and feelings. Since I have such a deep relationship with music, I plan to share some of these dynamics over the coming weeks by sharing some of my playlists. I have an eclectic taste in music so one never knows what genre might make an appearance though I may focus more on general rock and pop music, but that doesn't mean my country girl roots will be ignored, that I've forgotten my love affair with Frank Sinatra, that more than one Eminem cd is in my collection, or deny that I should have lived during the big band era.

Last weekend

For today, I'd like to discuss musical therapy. I admit to the similarities between my siblings and I concerning our tempers, but we dramatically differ in how we manage our anger. I learned to view it as something combustible that could be burned off rather than acting like a powder keg and exploding. This is why dancing in cages and on catwalks became a routine part of my life during my darkest period. All the built up resentment and anger could be channeled into my dancing so that at the end of the evening, I was spent. Blasting the stereo and singing at the top of my lungs is a typical way to calm myself after a stressful day of work. It is a basic release of intense emotions that does not harm me or anyone else. This has truly become the way my mind and body expects to deal with certain stresses, which is why I regularly have a soundtrack to individualized moments in my life.

My completed project

For those of you who are aware of the object that resided in my living room for nearly a month and it's significance, you might find it humorous that I put on a great show this weekend as I vented my spleen over the log rack. Due to the low temperature, I rustproofed the log rack in the open garage providing the neighbors with a great view of my performance. With my iPod blasting a mix of rock, pop, and dance songs, I bopped, shimmied, and shaked my way around the rack. It was a performance worthy of my cage days as the lower rungs of the log rack required me to kneel or to reach across on my hands and knees. It must have been quite a show because a few days later, after I declined one of my neighbors offer to help me move 14 thirty gallon leaf bags, he sent his two kids over to help with the bags.

I have to say I am quite proud of my work on the log rack. I built the rack by myself, rustproofed it, and loaded the logs. And as you can see from the pics, the blanket of leaves that have dominated the yard are getting cleared up as well, though the space opened by the cut trees makes me debate planting replacements.

My soundtrack for this musical therapy session was:
Lady Gaga Just Dance
Lady Gaga Telephone
Rihanna S&M
Justin Timberlake SexyBack
Usher DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love
Fall Out Boy My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark
Imagine Dragons Radioactive
Adele Rolling in the Deep
Train Drive By
OneRepublic Counting Stars
Seether Country Song
Rage Against the Machine Killing in the Name
Rise Against Savior

And for those of you who are opinionated, please feel free to comment on my choice of music. Do others have soundtracks for life's moments? I know there are a few of you who listen to music as a stress-reliever, so what songs would you listen to while trying to blow off some steam?

Thank You!

The past few weeks have exemplified the Beatles claim that "I get by with a little help from my friends."

- Thanks to James who bounced back this weekend after mishandling the Baltimore trip the first and second time it was mentioned. After being told that it would be inadvisable for me to visit Baltimore at the end of the month, I was shocked when hubby offered to drive me to Baltimore this weekend. Unfortunately, that plan did not work out for everyone involved but it was nice to have him make the offer.

-Thanks to Michelle who over the past few weeks has found the time and the patience to answer my multiple phone calls and understand my crazy one-line texts. There were days when our only communication was through these minimal texts, but she knows when I need my space and when to push. And there were those moments when I would send a text and my phone would ring because she understood. She has been my rock.

- Thanks to Erin who switched lunch schedules then dealt with the waiter and allowed me to cry my way through the meal. Actually, it was more like a blubbering mess.

- Thanks to Becky for her regular visits to my office and for trying to schedule our weekly lunches so we can chat.

- Thanks to Erin and Becky. Erin gave me a good laugh when she tried to play martyr about our plans to see Catching Fire. Due to conflicting schedules, us gals may not see the movie until Thanksgiving weekend. Erin graciously granted Becky and I permission to see the movie on opening night without her.  Becky and I have been repeatedly explaining to Erin that we are extremely stubborn. The three of us have made these semi-annual movie nights our thing. It's not just about seeing the movie. It's about discussing the books and comparing them to the movies, and the bond between us after that the initial viewing. Break-ups, surgeries, pregnancies, and travel have never prevented us from our previous movie premieres. Remember "all for one, one for all."

- Thanks to Kris who always remembers the important things, even when I fail to stress their importance. And though he experienced the very dark side of my personality, he decided to stick around and even checked up on me when I was feeling blue.

- Thanks to Delia and Kay who keep me sane as I balance work and my own personal drama.

- Thanks to Sarai for texting that Catching Fire tickets were sold out at certain theaters. She has saved my social plans on several occasions.

As you can see I'm thankful for the big things and the little things. I know for some people the things I'm grateful for may not seem that important, but for me, every little gesture counts because you never know what is going on in someone's life. And I'm especially grateful for having these wonderful people in my life to provide me with a regular opportunity to smile.

White Lies & Other Tales

Delia made some remarks to me about scenario c in the Boys post that has made me curious. She took exception to the following comment, "Spouses can't be best friends because you tell your best friend everything including complaining about your spouse." Now, Delia believes that spouses should be best friends and this friendship can help them through the more difficult times. I agree with her but where we part ways is that she disagreed that you tell your best friend everything. My mother has a similar belief as she has advised me not to tell my spouse or my friends everything. Mom thinks there is such a thing as too much honesty and that you should keep certain things to yourself.

As someone who has issues with trust, it is a struggle for me to openly discuss personal things. Though there are times when I want to close myself off, I am fortunate in my true friends who I allow in my life but it also means trusting them with certain private aspects as well. I am even further blessed to have four amazing people in my life who are my dearest friends. These are the friends who have been privy to way too many of the details.

Within my friendships, I abhor lies, even white lies and lies of omission. After years of living with someone continuously lying to me and me lying to cover the situation, I would rather have the honest truth, with all its beauty and pain. I have been warned not to confront friends when I'm upset, yet I've regularly ignored the warning and it hasn't always been easy. I'd rather have the truth out there rather than each of us assuming we understand the situation. And then there is the honesty of how deeply you cherish the friendship. The gals and I have spent many birthday celebrations in tears as we gushed about how we couldn't have survived the past year without each other. It is pure and elemental.

Don't get me wrong, I often breeze over certain things when conversing with people instead of directly discussing a situation. There are times when I'm honest in my response, just not willing to part with any real details. The only person who ever calls me on my bullshit is Mich. I can say I'm alright and mean it, but Mich can tell by my tone or other nuances if there is something bothering me and she'll demand to know what it is. Because here's the thing, Mich knows everything there is to know about me.

I'll admit, hubby doesn't know all my secrets, but Mich knows every crazy and brilliant thought that runs through my head. Does she truly know everything? No, but only because it hasn't come up in conversation yet. I have no hesitation in what I say to her (unless it directly affects her, yet I still say it). I couldn't imagine keeping something from her or having any qualms with discussing aspects of my life.

So when Delia made her remark about not telling her best friend everything, I called Mich to ask her opinion. I know it took a number of years for me to open up to Mich and then a few more years for Mich to feel comfortable with revealing certain things to me, but I thought we were both past that point. I know we have delved into some difficult conversations that would have destroyed most friendships because as I've said, she calls me on my bullshit and I return the favor. So I was quite pleased to hear that Mich feels the same as me about telling each other everything.

For me, it stems from a need to be accepted. I have regularly been told that I am too demanding in my friendships. I am also aware that I have a warped view of the world and some people have even remarked that I am broken, cold-hearted, harsh, judgemental, abrasive, and my favorite, crazy. So to find people that I trust and especially to have people in my life who fully accept me, rather than me having to act a certain way around them, grants me the freedom to revel in the relationship and not to feel the need to hold back.

Maybe Mich and I are unique in the fact that we tell each other everything. Maybe I shouldn't be so open with my other best friends. I have been burned in the past by those closest to me so I understand my mother's advice. But how can I not enjoy these close personal friendships when these individuals know me so completely and I needn't worry about explaining myself because they understand the complexities of my personality?

So what is your stance on telling your friends everything? Do you believe in complete honesty or do you believe there is such a thing as being too honest? Do you feel the need to hold back? Why? How would you feel upon discovering your closest friend lied to you? I prefer avoiding that scenario and stick with being too open.