It's a Groove Thing

A month ago

Road trips, GNOs, my wild party past, and anger management share a common thread in my world ... music. The words, the rhythm, and the emotion are reflective of my own feelings and temperment or they can influence my mood and trigger memories. Certain songs and bands immediately make me think of specific individuals from my life and associated memories and feelings. Since I have such a deep relationship with music, I plan to share some of these dynamics over the coming weeks by sharing some of my playlists. I have an eclectic taste in music so one never knows what genre might make an appearance though I may focus more on general rock and pop music, but that doesn't mean my country girl roots will be ignored, that I've forgotten my love affair with Frank Sinatra, that more than one Eminem cd is in my collection, or deny that I should have lived during the big band era.

Last weekend

For today, I'd like to discuss musical therapy. I admit to the similarities between my siblings and I concerning our tempers, but we dramatically differ in how we manage our anger. I learned to view it as something combustible that could be burned off rather than acting like a powder keg and exploding. This is why dancing in cages and on catwalks became a routine part of my life during my darkest period. All the built up resentment and anger could be channeled into my dancing so that at the end of the evening, I was spent. Blasting the stereo and singing at the top of my lungs is a typical way to calm myself after a stressful day of work. It is a basic release of intense emotions that does not harm me or anyone else. This has truly become the way my mind and body expects to deal with certain stresses, which is why I regularly have a soundtrack to individualized moments in my life.

My completed project

For those of you who are aware of the object that resided in my living room for nearly a month and it's significance, you might find it humorous that I put on a great show this weekend as I vented my spleen over the log rack. Due to the low temperature, I rustproofed the log rack in the open garage providing the neighbors with a great view of my performance. With my iPod blasting a mix of rock, pop, and dance songs, I bopped, shimmied, and shaked my way around the rack. It was a performance worthy of my cage days as the lower rungs of the log rack required me to kneel or to reach across on my hands and knees. It must have been quite a show because a few days later, after I declined one of my neighbors offer to help me move 14 thirty gallon leaf bags, he sent his two kids over to help with the bags.

I have to say I am quite proud of my work on the log rack. I built the rack by myself, rustproofed it, and loaded the logs. And as you can see from the pics, the blanket of leaves that have dominated the yard are getting cleared up as well, though the space opened by the cut trees makes me debate planting replacements.

My soundtrack for this musical therapy session was:
Lady Gaga Just Dance
Lady Gaga Telephone
Rihanna S&M
Justin Timberlake SexyBack
Usher DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love
Fall Out Boy My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark
Imagine Dragons Radioactive
Adele Rolling in the Deep
Train Drive By
OneRepublic Counting Stars
Seether Country Song
Rage Against the Machine Killing in the Name
Rise Against Savior

And for those of you who are opinionated, please feel free to comment on my choice of music. Do others have soundtracks for life's moments? I know there are a few of you who listen to music as a stress-reliever, so what songs would you listen to while trying to blow off some steam?

My Summer Project

Back of the house

I know my mom and a few of my Florida pals thought I was crazy to consider a landscaping project. I definitely have a brown thumb and lack the time and patience it takes to maintain plant life. Add in the fact that the pretty plants usually aggravate my allergies and I should be the last person trying to improve their landscaping on their own. I couldn't ignore the need for this project as the grass near the back porch habitually was soggy and sometimes coated in moss, creating an unappealing back yard setting.

Next to the back porch

I am fortunate that my friend, Peggy, has such an amazing affinity for landscaping. Not only did she visit and make a multitude of recommendations, she drew up schematic of our future landscaping, including pics of the plants placed strategically on the drawing so I would know where to plant the bushes. She noted every detail including the number of each plant that should be purchased for this project. Since this pic, we bought more huechera palace purples to fill-in between the hydrangeas and hostas and we special ordered beacon silver lamium, but it arrived too late for us to plant.

Rock garden for planters

Peggy walked the property with us recommending other ideas such as how we could possibly plant around some of the groupings of trees that shade the yard and using planters in strategic places. Though the ground near our porch formed a marshland, hard clay dominated the terrain around the corner. Hubby and I took turns through the summer, digging a ditch through the clay so that we could create a rock garden. Planters of varying sizes and path lighting will be placed along the back of the house next spring.

Roses

The front of our house is an interesting grouping of flowering bushes with one exception ... a monstrous green bush that did not flower and constantly pricked us through our gloves when we tried to trim it. It was off-centered below our large front window and was very unsightly. Digging out the bush and the its roots was a lengthy operation as it used to completely fill this space. We planted roses surrounded by cat mint bushes to replace the former eyesore.

Lilies

You see that was the beauty of Peggy's advice. She took into account my lack of attention and patience in maintaining the landscaping yet balanced it with the variant sunlight exposure and water flow issues around the house. Then she took into account my favorite colors and produced a beautiful arrangement. A few days after we had everything planted, the lilies that inhabited the front landscaping bloomed, showering my yard with an array of colors. And for those who are curious, lilies are my favorite flowers so I was excited by these.

Pure Procrastination

Day 5, Thursday

9:00 am - 12:00 pm Enjoyed a relaxing morning with coffee, a book, and finally unpacking my suitcase. I used to hate leaving the suitcase lying around full of dirty clothes, but in the past few years, I've shrugged it off. The laundry will eventually get done. Played fetch with Bartle, who acted like the energizer dog and wore me out. A little nap time and I was ready to go.

12:00 pm - 3:00 pm This is the dilemma of working from home. I need to make a huge dent in my lectures, yet I think of a multitude of other pressing matters, like inspecting the house for required repairs. I discovered the landscaping project we completed in the fall needs to be expanded. There is still too much standing water around the house. Dave, Mr. Talkative Neighbor, told me that a majority of the homeowners in our subdivision have expanded their landscaping in order to improve the drainage issue. I did a walk around to see how other's have addressed this issue. I also found a few cracks in the drywall so I researched how to repair them. If anyone has experience with repairing drywall, would you be willing to show me how to do it the first time? Since the weather was so nice, I opened some windows and discovered the dust layer that has piled up in the back offices where we haven't opened the curtains all winter. See, it is easy to avoid work. Yet I didn't complete any tasks on the monthly chore list.

3:00 pm - 6:00 pm I felt the draw of another nap and granted myself permission. The exhausted feeling has not been a slow draw but rather a slamming into a wall sensation which I'm sure is due to the new dose not having the same kick. Thankfully, my withdrawal has not been that bad. A few tremors and weakness issues but those are livable. I ignored the concern that crept in when I thought of hitting that wall at work next week.

The kids were running around outside with their Nerf ball guns, which I know will drive James crazy. The kids believe the entire neighborhood is their playground so they are always running around and playing between our yards. It didn't bother me until our path lights were stolen on two separate occasions.

Deciding to test my limits, I pushed myself through a two hour workout. Those sore muscles were screaming for me to stop, but I figured this was the time to test my endurance.

6:00 pm - 10:00 pm Finally, I began working on my lectures, but quickly found another project. I was sent a request from FGS and being the good worker bee, I began researching the question. I began to feel sleepy so I decided to take a break and read, which was the last thing I remember. Of course by the time I got up the next day, someone else had already responded to the FGS query.

Overall, it was a good day. I was definitely in a better mood and felt productive though I didn't get much accomplished.

2013 Goals

Many you have commented on the fact that I have not posted on this blog in a while. Honestly, I had planned to continue posting, but life got in the way. Then suddenly, I realized that it is February and I have not even reviewed my 2012 goals or created new ones. As many of you know, I do not believe in resolutions but prefer to set goals for the year. In 2012, my entire focus was on making major life decisions and directing my career. I managed to complete a majority of my goals including buying a house, being promoted at work, heavily researching my family, and joining the UDC. The one goal that I completely let slide was my writing, which has barely been touched.

I know this will shock some of you, but I admitted to myself that I did not have time for RWA so I let my membership lapse. This year is going to be busy and I am committed to my new position, then my new position with the FGS board, and maintaining the new house. This year my goals are entirely selfish. They are entirely focused on taking care of myself and my needs.

1. Dedicate 10 minutes a day to a workout or stretching routine
Since my diagnosis, I have had to give up my hour-long workouts and weekly walks on the trails. In the past year, I have lost the majority of my muscle tone and can not lift heavy items. Hubby and I are discussing hiking in Hawaii for our anniversary trip, but at the moment, I'm not in shape.

2. Dedicate an hour a day to myself
Salon appointments, research time, and writing does not count as part of the hour. These routines used to relax me, but have now become "work" in my mind. This hour means not answering the phone, checking e-mail, or making plans with friends. If I work and it is the only hour I have to myself, the plan this year is to choose myself. Though I love my family and friends, I need my time. As for the calls, on average I receive two lengthy calls a night. Lengthy being defined as more than thirty minutes. Just for example, the other night I had back-to-back phone calls from five different people who all left voicemails that they desperately needed to talk to me. This dominates most of my night, leaving me with very little time to get other things accomplished.

And though I may work my regular job, I have other responsibilities with my outside speaking and the board. In January, I spent five hours on conference calls, hours on email for both of these entities, four days traveling and speaking, and the hours creating new lectures. This is work outside my typical workday. Hence the need for time to myself.


3. Establish a routine to handle my condition
I truly should have a set schedule. One that can be varied from periodically, but one that provides my body and mind with the necessary rest. Since my doctor adjusted my dosage, my sleep pattern has been all over the place I have not been able to establish a routine. I plan to see a neurologist to find a secondary method in dealing with those times that I can not maintain a routine. My current dilemma is my work schedule and life is not conducive for the rigid schedule required of my body. Within one week, I'll break pattern multiple times. I need to find a fix for those times.

4. Spend more time with Erin's children 
Following Emy's health crisis this year, Becky and I made a pact that we would spend more time with Erin's children so that if there was ever another emergency, the kids would feel comfortable being left with us.

So my 2013 Goals are completely selfish. I have chosen my career path and it fulfills something in me, so I need to make everything else work in conjunction with it. This year is all about me adapting to my various new roles, which takes a lot of time and energy, which are two things I lack. I've lost myself trying to please myself and others, hence my decision to make my desires the priority this year.

Slowly but Surely

The bedroom before

Our bedroom

The living room before

Our living room

The house appears to be coming together. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to come home and relax rather than trying to cross another item off my to-do list. I know there will always be something requiring work on the house, but right now, I'd love to feel like the place is where I want it to be for the moment.

Photos are still waiting to be placed on the wall and some of our living room furniture is in Muncie, but things are looking good. The bedroom walls are a darker cream than what we used in the living space and in my opinion, looks a bit peachy, though my gals tell me it is not peachy. It is a vast improvement to the grayish white walls that required two cleanings. I was concerned with a peach color clashing with my purple bathroom. Yep, I went with an array of purples, ranging from lavender to indigo, in my bathroom and it looks amazing.

Once we covered the red wall in the living room, it was scary to realize that the green wall was also dark. Peggy can attest that the room size appeared to greatly expand thanks to the lighter color. I prefer lighter walls and dark furnishings so I'm proud of how this turned out. We took down her red sheer curtains and installed a set of blinds and an arch covering. We are planning to purchase different curtains for the bedroom and some to cover the massive living room window for the winter. Blinds may be lovely but are not very energy-efficient.

Did anyone else notice the Where's Bartle theme in the photos?

My Living Space

Silver kitchen

Cream back splash

Red room

Dining

Several people have asked for pictures of the changes to the house. As much as I love pics, I always feel they don't reflect the authenticity of the caption. For example, no matter what lighting I used, the walls of the house look white in these photos, yet they are a warm cream color.

For the kitchen, we used a glossy paint to cover the glaring aluminum back splash. It brightened the kitchen and doesn't clash with the stainless steel appliances. When taking pics of the house, I felt like I was playing Where's Waldo because each of the animals made an appearance. Yes, Cleo lies on the kitchen counter, but I have a legitimate reason for allowing this behavior. Bartle is allergic to her food so the counter is the one place where we can feed Cleo and not have a medical issue.

Notice in the dining area, the atrocious gold and glass chandelier that hung at a ridiculously low level, probably because it weighed a ton. The chandelier has been replaced with lovely track lighting. The red wall which made the room feel dark and small is gone and replaced with a cream wall featuring my photography. Yep, those are my travel photos enlarged and framed. I love the dark red wood high-top table and the accent rug that matches.

I'll post pics of the living room and bedroom soon.

Birthdays

Upon turning thirty, I decided while tossing back cosmos with some friends, that this decade was going to be the best ever. On my thirty-first, I spent the weekend at Disney with my pals, drifting from a child-like state when I sang along, watched every parade, and drove Melinda crazy with the "it's a castle" refrain, to the party girl persona who never even noticed the stalker dude trying to tap my shoulder at the fourth club we visited. My thirty-fifth was by far one of my absolute favorites between dinner at Cork 'n Cleaver with Kay, Peggy, Delia, William, Mich, and hubby followed by the overnight trip to Chicago with my three best friends who stayed out all night with me before crashing in our suite at four in the morning.

This year, I planned to have a more relaxed birthday featuring dinner and a movie with the gals. The day began with hubby and I still cleaning the new house. We purchased our painting supplies with the grand idea that we would begin the edging work but before we did, ominous dark clouds began to crawl across the sky pitching the house into darkness thought it was mid-afternoon and cutting off our electricity. The wind bent the trees into several contorted positions while debris and falling branches slammed into the house. The sirens came after the worst of the storm was over, but thankfully, nothing had touched down in our area.

Due to the downed trees and power lines and utter chaos, it was decided that going out was not an option. Becky and I still opted for dinner and a movie though. KFC supplied the dinner, Dairy Queen provided the dessert, and cable kicked back on so we could order the latest Sherlock Holmes movie.

My family did their typical birthday wishes which always leaves me feeling lonely as most of them feel like afterthoughts. Dad called from Dubai which always makes me feel good. Without fail, no matter where in the world he is, dad will call. Next was John, which was once again disheartening. It was one of his apologetic regretful birthday calls, which reaffirms that he has returned to his former ways. At least I didn't cry during his call this year, but rather I felt empty and barely heard the lies. I received Jo's call around 8:30 pm, about the time Becky and I had started watching the movie followed by mom's call ten minutes later. 

The next day was another one of those shining beacons that remind me of how lucky I am. Peggy spent the day with hubby and I painting our front two rooms. Unfortunately because the atrocious red was so dark, it took multiple coats of primer + paint. Then we discovered that the lighter toned green and grey walls looked light in comparison to the red, but were actually dark colors as well, so we added more layers to cover the atrocious color scheme. When we wrapped up for the day, it was startling how much larger the rooms appeared with the cream colored walls. It is completely amazing to me that I have friends who would come and help out like this. Thanks so much, Peggy!

I may want to revert back to the party birthday next year, but no matter what, I'll take my friends and hubby along for the ride.