Blink and You'll Miss It

I was interviewed as part of a story on tourist attractions in Indiana. No, I'm not the tourist attraction, but my place of employment is a nationally recognized research destination. The reporter was phenomenal and had me relaxed before the camera began to roll. I am so conscious of the camera that I can never forget I'm being recorded. My fifteen minute interview was edited into a one sentence video clip, but I'm sure that had something to do with limited time allowed.

If the video doesn't play, try the following link.

2013 Goals

Many you have commented on the fact that I have not posted on this blog in a while. Honestly, I had planned to continue posting, but life got in the way. Then suddenly, I realized that it is February and I have not even reviewed my 2012 goals or created new ones. As many of you know, I do not believe in resolutions but prefer to set goals for the year. In 2012, my entire focus was on making major life decisions and directing my career. I managed to complete a majority of my goals including buying a house, being promoted at work, heavily researching my family, and joining the UDC. The one goal that I completely let slide was my writing, which has barely been touched.

I know this will shock some of you, but I admitted to myself that I did not have time for RWA so I let my membership lapse. This year is going to be busy and I am committed to my new position, then my new position with the FGS board, and maintaining the new house. This year my goals are entirely selfish. They are entirely focused on taking care of myself and my needs.

1. Dedicate 10 minutes a day to a workout or stretching routine
Since my diagnosis, I have had to give up my hour-long workouts and weekly walks on the trails. In the past year, I have lost the majority of my muscle tone and can not lift heavy items. Hubby and I are discussing hiking in Hawaii for our anniversary trip, but at the moment, I'm not in shape.

2. Dedicate an hour a day to myself
Salon appointments, research time, and writing does not count as part of the hour. These routines used to relax me, but have now become "work" in my mind. This hour means not answering the phone, checking e-mail, or making plans with friends. If I work and it is the only hour I have to myself, the plan this year is to choose myself. Though I love my family and friends, I need my time. As for the calls, on average I receive two lengthy calls a night. Lengthy being defined as more than thirty minutes. Just for example, the other night I had back-to-back phone calls from five different people who all left voicemails that they desperately needed to talk to me. This dominates most of my night, leaving me with very little time to get other things accomplished.

And though I may work my regular job, I have other responsibilities with my outside speaking and the board. In January, I spent five hours on conference calls, hours on email for both of these entities, four days traveling and speaking, and the hours creating new lectures. This is work outside my typical workday. Hence the need for time to myself.


3. Establish a routine to handle my condition
I truly should have a set schedule. One that can be varied from periodically, but one that provides my body and mind with the necessary rest. Since my doctor adjusted my dosage, my sleep pattern has been all over the place I have not been able to establish a routine. I plan to see a neurologist to find a secondary method in dealing with those times that I can not maintain a routine. My current dilemma is my work schedule and life is not conducive for the rigid schedule required of my body. Within one week, I'll break pattern multiple times. I need to find a fix for those times.

4. Spend more time with Erin's children 
Following Emy's health crisis this year, Becky and I made a pact that we would spend more time with Erin's children so that if there was ever another emergency, the kids would feel comfortable being left with us.

So my 2013 Goals are completely selfish. I have chosen my career path and it fulfills something in me, so I need to make everything else work in conjunction with it. This year is all about me adapting to my various new roles, which takes a lot of time and energy, which are two things I lack. I've lost myself trying to please myself and others, hence my decision to make my desires the priority this year.

It's Called The News

I've been a bit quiet lately, but I promise there is a reason and it is a good one. As everyone knows, October is a crazy time for me and this year will go down in history as the most intense Family History Month to date. Besides the typical mayhem, I was a bit late in finishing some of my new lectures for the month. Okay, I'll be honest. I finished writing some of my lectures the day before I presented them. Considering I am not a procrastinator and hate working against a deadline, this was torture for me. My excuse for this odd behavior is the eight-week Genes program that I developed with the fabulous Peggy required new lectures every week but I am extremely proud of this program as Peggy and I managed to keep thirteen teenagers engaged in genealogical research for a two month period.

The final week of October was even more intense due to my parents visiting, which was wonderful but obviously emotional. I had also been trying to get everything organized for hubby and I to visit New Jersey for a research trip. Hubby lived there until he was six so he wanted to visit his hometown while I did courthouse research for his Polish ancestors. This was a case study for one of my January lectures, but Hurricane Sandy decided to cancel our vacation by forcing New Jersey into a state of emergency. This all worked out for the best because hubby and I spent our entire vacation finishing all of our outdoor projects instead.

Among all these activities, I managed to fit in time for a job interview. Yep, you read that correctly. The thing I've refused to discuss openly for the past few months is now making an appearance on my blog. Of course, the job interview was the day after my parents left, so mom and I did practice interview sessions while they visited. And the interview was the same day I gave one of my new lectures along with being the final session of the Genes program. I won't deny large amounts of caffeine were consumed through the day.

But all the chaos of the past month has a grand finale ... I am the new assistant manager of The Genealogy Center!

Five Years

Five years ago today, I walked through the doors not realizing that my life would be forever changed. Five years ago I found a home, a community, a group of like-minded individuals who understood my passions and my dreams. Five years ago I met the people who would become my family, my loved ones. Five years ago I began the next stage in my career and discovered instead an amazing group of friends and that my dreams could become reality. Thanks for the past five years.

The Conference That Keeps on Giving

Nominees

As the days have waned on, last week's conference continues to have an impact. Prior to the conference, I was nominated for a board position with a national organization. The group requested my photo and bio, which I naively sent along, not realizing that it would be on a board for everyone to view as they entered the exhibit hall. My campaign manager, Dawne, posted on facebook and a slogan was created which I can not share even on my personal blog. Since one of the other nominees is a friend of mine, I feel the need to say, I had nothing to do with the facebook joke and was only clued-in on the slogan (which is a joke) during the fourth email exchange. I am honored to be nominated, especially given the circumstances of my nomination, but I am honestly just riding the roller coaster of others making.

In another nice moment, I was offered a contract job (just an extra gig), which I mulled over for the past week. Though once again I was honored to be asked, especially as my instructional experience was mentioned, surprise! I have decided to turn down the offer at this time. Multiple people mentioned certification to me, including Dawne who reviewed my travel writer's report, which was the first time I worked on someone else's research and wrote a complete narrative report, including my analysis of records and recommendations. I had fun with the experience, but can't commit the time required to become certified at the moment.

While attending conferences, I am conscious of my interactions with people and how they can be interpreted, This is thanks to Andrew, my professional guru and mentor. Yet with all my precautions I still wind up sitting in the wrong spot at the wrong time or having people create situations that never occurred. My boss asked about a rumored conversation when person X instructed me on improving my interpersonal relations. My boss listed the reasons he thought I did not deserve the lecture, which is kind of sweet, but I felt the need to stop him because this instruction never happened. My boss shared with me the rest of the rumor, which included my hero-worship of my boss. Now, I have the utmost respect for my boss, but I am not in awe of him. I shared with him some tidbits from a lunch, when person X claimed person Y hero-worshiped my boss, but it was stated in a negative way rather than as a compliment. So apparently, someone is imagining a conversation and sharing it with others. My boss was kind enough to note that I am a marked woman, which makes me think of my animals. Apparently, my name was bandied about in several meetings and discussions, which I will interpret as a good thing.

I am grateful that I did not provide much fodder during the week. Though I showed my ass a few times (damn short skirts and high stools, plus setting up the display) and I could have entered a wet-dress or drowned rat contest (damn torrential downpour while loading the van), I thankfully was not wandering around topless while in full view of the atrium area. Though the rumor mill may tell a different tale soon enough.

Open and Honest

Warning: I have agonized over writing this post. I'm afraid some people will think I'm too whiny, negative, depressed or self-absorbed, but finally, I decided that this was my blog and I feel the need to get this off my chest.

Okay, let's discuss the elephant in the room. You know the one. He has his trunk waving in the air as he trumpets to gain attention, so I cave, I agree, I admit it ... I take on too much. There! I finally admit what so many have accused over the years. There is no getting around this psychological defect of mine and it's definitely not a new phenomenon.

This mindset began when I was told to delay going to college due to a health issue, but I decided to live life to the fullest and not miss out on anything. It has grown exponentially so it not only includes social and personal situations but career goals as well. I like people relying on me, trusting me and asking for advice, and knowing that I will get the job done against all odds. I take great pride in these things and would hate to let anyone down though I have said no to some things. But I admit, I am struggling with keeping everything balanced.

I keep hearing that I should give something up or say no to more things, but what should I give up? My work load is demanding because I'm a good worker and I'm looking towards the future, so with that in mind, I have to show that I can handle the heavy-lifting. I've taken outside speaking and writing assignments to further my career, but I have said no or have set boundaries for some of these requests. The FGS committee is a great learning opportunity and career move, but there is a bit of extra work at the moment. Purchasing the house was a right fit at a bad time. I've tried not to get too upset over my brother's spiral (I know that didn't take long) but it weighs on me. I'm helping plan a large event this August because someone else dropped the ball at this late date and so someone else and I stepped in to save it. And dealing with the emotional roller coaster concerning my mother's illness can't be ignored.

I can guilt myself better than most Catholics (I'm Methodist). I feel like I've neglected Mich while she's recovering from her relationship. I've not been as supportive to Dawne as she's struggled with several large emotional situations recently. I have barely kept up with my eldest niece's destructive teenage drama or my youngest niece's health concerns and recent surgery. I've barely found time to check up on Erin's recuperation. These are events in my friend's and loved one's lives when I'm usually more responsive and attentive, but not recently.

On a good day this would be a lot for the average person, but add in my medical condition and this becomes overwhelming. I have felt as if I've barely kept my head above water and now I'm slipping beneath the surface. Periodically, I manage to gasp for air but then another wave crashes over, forcing me under once again. And I can't seem to find a way out of this vicious cycle over the past few months.

I will find my feet once again and hopefully soon, but at the moment, I'm trying to juggle many things and I fear dropping something or hurting someone because I let them down. I've been reading blogs written by others with my condition and it appears many of us describe a sense of failure to meet our own or other people's expectations, a desire to prove our worth, frustration at people's misconceptions or lack of understanding, the continuous struggle to find the best remedy and routine since there is no cure, and the highs and lows of depression that come with being diagnosed with a neurological disorder that forever alters your lifestyle.

Don't get me wrong, I have so many things that make me happy everyday, but I felt the need to admit the truth that so many have tried to convince me is one of my greatest faults. Over this summer, I plan to share several of my "happy" factors because seriously, after I started reading about other people's struggles with this, I came to the realization that I'm handling things amazingly well. Of course, I believe that is due to having the best and most amazing support network.

Speaking in Cali

I debated how to begin sharing my California adventures; should I start with the conference or my vacation? Since the purpose of my trip was to speak at Jamboree, I guess that is where the story will begin. Remember my fear at the idea of standing in a room filled with conference attendees, especially those who I respect and have long listened to in rapt attention. Well that fear disappeared when I entered the room for my first session and saw my boss, my mentor, and two of my reps chatting in the room. As I approached the podium, a calm settled over me and I felt self-confident. Even when things went wrong with cords not being properly arranged or confusion over the multiple microphones hooked to my outfit, I stepped back and let the techs handle the situation with limited ruffled feathers. My first lecture was video recorded and is available on DVD while the other three sessions were audio recorded. Shockingly enough, this didn't disturb me as much as I expected and my voice never once quavered. I had reviewed my lectures numerous times, so I was ready. And yes, I lost my place a few times, but it was never truly noticeable except maybe to those who know me well.

My most interesting session was held in the pavilion, with a room capacity of 220, two projection screens, a stage, and some very hot lights. I was quite uncomfortable. The air conditioning blew out from the stage area towards the audience making it difficult for me to hear the sound system and not providing me with any relief from the heat. Between my elevated body temperature which is typical when I speak, the lights, a crowded space, and being in a tent in California, I was unbearably hot.

Though I received many glowing compliments from session attendees, I was also attacked by other egos. One particular person was vocal that they would not attend my sessions since that person was the subject expert and the person couldn't understand why I was asked to speak. And then there was the person I have called my "hater." After my first session, she felt the need to tell me that my lecture was too general and she knew all the resources I discussed so she decided to work during my lecture. She approached me again two days later before the session to ask if it was a beginners class or if she would learn anything since my last lecture was too general. With each of these incidents, I was graceful and polite. I gave professional responses which the people did not deserve though you know the response that was playing in my mind. I truly can't understand people who behave this way because I am completely accepting of suggestions or constructive criticism, but I despise insults or questioning of my professionalism.

Jamboree is a proud moment in my career and though I missed having my gals there, it was intriguing to be supported by my boss at a non-work function. We were at this event as equals, which altered our typical dynamic. We socialized and supported each other as colleagues rather than as manager/ subordinate. Overall, Jamboree was an interesting experience and I'm glad I was asked to present. I needed the reassurance in my abilities and the connection with my peers that this conference provided.

Out and About

Recall I had mentioned to hubby that this year was going to be a quieter year on the career front. I guess I was wrong. Here is my upcoming speaking schedule:

• 4/17  "Collaboration: Your Library's Gateway to 'the Sky's the Limit'!" with Delia at the Indiana Library Federation District 3 Conference
• 4/28 "Becoming Expert at Using Ancestry" at the Indiana Genealogical Society Conference
• 6/8 "Think Like a Genealogy Librarian" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/9 "Blogger Summit Panel: Now That You're a Genealogy Blogger" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/10 "Before Crossing the Ocean: American Records of Our Immigrant Ancestors" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/10 "Shadowed Roots: Antebellum Era Records for African-American Research" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/23 "How to Use The Genealogy Center: Basics" at ACPLs Tree Talks
• 7/12 "Digital Organization: The No Paper Approach to Genealogy" at ACPLs Controlling Genealogical Clutter Week
• 7/28 "Ancestry: The Beginner's Way to Search" at ACPLs Tree Talks
• 9/22 "Ancestry: The Beginner's Way to Search"at the DeMotte Public Library
• 9/22 "Becoming Expert at Using Ancestry"at the DeMotte Public Library
• October - ACPLs Family History Month
• 1/19/13 "Discovering Your Female Ancestors" at the Volusia-Flagler Council of Genealogical Societies Genealogy Seminar
• 1/19/13 "Overlooked Records for Hurdling the Census Chasm" at the Volusia-Flagler Council of Genealogical Societies Genealogy Seminar
• 1/19/13 "Knocking Down the Brick Wall" at the Volusia-Flagler Council of Genealogical Societies Genealogy Seminar

And no, I am not announcing when my home will be vacant by announcing my speaking engagements. (Some pals of mine recently posted about people announcing that they will not be at home.)

Work-a-holic

Day 7, Thursday

5:45 a.m. - 8:00 a.m. The morning alarm is a cruel sound, shattering my head and scaring me back into the real world. I frantically raced around to get ready for work because I realized I had never printed out my notes for today's lecture. Walked Bartle and cleaned his wound, but became exasperated when he wouldn't approach his treats lying on the black plastic sheet. He just stared at me forlornly as I walked out the door. FYI, when I returned home, all three treats were still sitting on the sheet. He has truly given up trying to eat with the cone.

8:00 a.m. - 9:00 a.m. Arrived at work and started early. My mind was sluggish and I had developed the shakes, so I knew my body would require a nap after my presentation. Curt has been wonderful about trusting me to adjust my schedule as needed when I have these flare-ups. We had our morning meeting, where it was announced that the director has decided that at this time, they will not force everyone on the new insurance plan. The director attributed this decision to our many discussions on the subject. Yay! All that hard work was not in vane. But it does cause one problem, Curt was asked if I could be loaned to HR to help with the instructional meetings they plan to give beginning around June. It seems my continuous comments on educating the staff were heard, plus the fact that HR has not been able to explain the situation as evidenced by staff receiving three different answers to the same question, which leads to me temporarily doing work in a field I left a decade ago. The month of June is beginning to look scary as well. Delia and I are supposed to have our new orientation video scripts ready to produce in June and um, I volunteered to be the on-camera personality. SoCal is at the beginning of June and some of my FGS responsibilities begin around that time as well. Once again, baby steps.

9:00 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. Gave my Shadowed Roots lecture which covers Antebellum records for African American research. I had a small but enthusiastic group and the comments on the surveys afterwards made me feel much more comfortable with giving this talk in California. After the presentation and a brief nap, I was on desk the rest of my shift. We have a group visiting so we were really busy, which meant nothing else got done, except me switching out the two large poster stands at the front of our department while wearing a skirt. This is always interesting since I have to kneel on the ground, essentially with my but in the air, to wrestle with the signs which want to roll and the plastic sheets that cover the sign. But I did get a fun lunch with Delia, Peggy, and Kevin, who always make me laugh.

3:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m. Came home, walked and cleaned Bartle, cleaned up a bit as hubby comes home tomorrow, put on a load of towels, sewed a button on one of my suit jackets before deciding my body had been pushed enough. Though I wasn't shaky, I still felt sluggish and tired, so I took a nap. Hubby woke me when he called. I feel bad because the last two days, our conversations have been nil since I've been in sleep deprivation mode. Got up and wrote my blog post and worked on my final SoCal lecture.

9:30 p.m. - 11:00 p.m. Walked Bartle and cleaned the wound again. He is such a mess. The drainage has coated his hair around the eye. I have removed the cone several times to wipe down his face and neck, but I avoid around the eye area because he is still bruised, but the ointment and stuff is so oily, it looks gross. I may need hubby to hold Bartle's face while I try to clean that area this weekend. Bartle is refusing to eat with the cone at this point, so I've been hand feeding him. If he was eating his treats, I would refuse to do this, but apparently he is really scared or uncomfortable to try anymore. So I sat there, feeding him for a bit, though honestly it was still less food than normal. I am concerned that he is not taking in enough water. I see him periodically drinking, but then I'll hear the cone hit something and he's done trying. My allergies were really bothering me, so I did one of my sinus routines to try to alleviate the pressure before falling into bed for the night.

Desperately Seeking Sleep

Day 6, Wednesday

5:45 a.m. - 8:00 a.m. Amazingly enough I woke with the first alarm. I have multiple alarms because waking can be difficult sometimes and I fear in my confusion that I will turn the one alarm off and go back to sleep. This has happened before. I ran around getting ready like a mad woman though I had warned my boss I might be late this week depending on how long it takes me to get Bartle settled. I was unsure of his reaction to me leaving him alone with the cone and his poor depth perception. We went for a walk and I cleaned his wound before giving him Benadryl in the hope that he wouldn't go insane from the stitching and rip the cone off.

Normally when I leave for the day, I dip his nylabone in peanut butter and place a treat in a Kong. This keeps him entertained for about 15 minutes and tricks him into not being anxious that I'm leaving. He's incapable of playing with either toy right now, so I dipped a treat in a little peanut butter and placed two smaller treats on the plastic sheet from his former kennel. He tried to get to the treats but just kept pushing them around with the cone. Sometimes the treat would flip up into the cone, but he still couldn't eat it. The whole situation was pathetic to watch and worse, the small amount of peanut butter was now all over his cone and the plastic sheet. I cleaned up the mess and left the treats for him. FYI, when I got home, one of the treats was still sitting on the plastic. Apparently, he gave up.

8:00 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. Arrived at work and an e-mail from Michelle who managed to get internet access in Honduras. It was nice to hear from her, but I was a bit confused when she commented on my lack of e-mails. I had text and e-mailed her before she left telling her my plans to document this week on the blog. Oh well! She'll figure it out when she gets back.

My entire work shift was on desk, so I balanced playing catch-up and helping the patrons, but this left no extra time to work on upcoming lectures. A sure sign that I'll need to do some extra work from home in the next few days rather than watch television. I really need to shake that habit. I had been in discussions with a colleague from Becky's former library about me doing a lecture for their customers. She contacted me to share that they have submitted a proposal to their Friends group to have me do a half-day presentation for them. Yay!!! Becky has offered to drive over with me so she can see her old haunt. And the best part, both of the lectures are ones I am presenting at other events, so no new work, except for the fact I still have to write them. I just need to remind myself to take baby steps.

I did have one bitch moment today. My troublesome colleague loves to one-up you in conversations. It gets real tiresome, real quick. She tried this on me today and instead of being humble, I torpedoed her out of the water, essentially rubbing her nose in the fact that we are on different levels. I haven't done this since she questioned my experience level her first week on the job, but I couldn't back down today. Later, she tried to show-off in an e-mail response to my request for date preferences for a week long program. I took delight when Delia questioned the response and my colleague had to backtrack.

3:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. Left work early so I could get home to whatever destruction may await, but instead was pleasantly surprised to find Bartle patiently waiting for me, cone still firmly in place. After a brief walk, I cleaned his wound, which had become rather messy while I was at work, picked up around the apartment, and recognized the warning signs of an episode. I took a lengthy nap, hoping to catch it before I felt worse. Hubby woke me with his evening phone call. He had his annual review, which went well. He'll get another contract, but no raise. If only the economy was better then he'd see a nice increase. Oh well! The tornado alarms went off, so I turned on the t.v. because it looked clear outside. Sure enough, they were just testing the system.

7:30 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. I called mom, who seemed to want to rush through the call, which was frustrating once again. I asked for clarification on my dad's comment on Sunday relating to my grandmother's mental state. Turns out, my grandmother has been officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I think anyone in the family could have told the doctors that years ago but they kept saying she had dementia. Apparently she had a severe psychotic episode last week and her hallucinations became extremely unhealthy. She has suffered the typical symptoms of not recognizing her husband or home, feeling paranoia, and talking to her hallucinations. It had gotten worse in the past six months when she began to have odd thoughts concerning inanimate objects. Her recent episode involved some intense hallucinations concerning the bedding which lasted for days. My grandfather has been her caregiver with a part-time nurse, but the doctors have deemed she belongs in a facility.

This is a bit strange for me as I have no relationship with my grandparents. Without going through a recanting of past deeds, I will say I carry the emotional scars of certain incidents. After twenty years of minimal contact, my sister and I visited them four years ago in an attempt to see things from an adult perspective. A few hours later, I had a better understanding of them, though I viewed them as strangers rather than family and understanding them did not make the visit and their deriding comments any easier. I told my dad it would be the last time I visited them, but out of respect for my dad, I would attend their funerals.

After getting off the phone with my mom, I examined how I felt by this sad news that my grandmother was in late stage Alzheimer's and my grandfather was on his farm, alone for the first time in his life. It was similar to how I feel when I see a sad story on the news. I feel bad for them and wouldn't wish this fear or loneliness on anyone, but it does not change how I feel towards them. The person I am most concerned with is my dad and how he is handling everything. I can't imagine watching your parents suffer like this. So I will be there in support of my dad and will listen when he wants to talk about the situation.

I worked on my final SoCal lecture and realized I was missing several record types. This was a big oops moment because they are items I don't know very well, so I'll need to do a bit more research. The end of the month is looming over me.

9:00 p.m. - 1:00 a.m. I spent about an hour reading the Bible and praying before shutting down for the night, which didn't go as planned. I am definitively on the downward spiral. I was choosing my outfit for tomorrow's presentation when I realized I hadn't shut down my laptop, so I sat on the couch to close things out. Two hours later, I was staring at my word document when Bartle got my attention. I had completely lost track of time. I went into the bedroom feeling a bit disoriented to find the light on, the closet open and half of Thursday's outfit sitting on the bed. I had completely zoned out midway through an activity. And now it was late again which meant I wouldn't get much sleep. I took Bartle for his walk and then cleaned his wound and face again.

Bummy Kind of Day

Day 4, Monday

Day 1

9:30 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. Woke up late since I had trouble sleeping the night before. Plus Bartle kept waking me up through the night scratching his ears again, so I was quite out of it this morning. I took him for his walk while wearing my pajamas and sunglasses. I'm sure I looked like someone suffering from a hangover. I always make fun of those people who walk their dogs or shop in pajamas, but I truly had low energy this morning. Fed, medicated, and cleaned up Bartle. Spent some time with Cleo, cleaning her with pet wipes which is as close to bathing as she gets and brushing her. She's been suffering from some dry heaving so I'm hoping to cut down the amount of hair she ingests. Sat with my morning coffee and a book, while Bartle attached himself to my hip. I think the painkillers knocked him out for a brief nap. E-mailed with the Flagler Society and received the flier for my presentation in January. I was very excited to see it and will post it soon.

Day 4

12:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. Made lunch and decided I needed a day off. Not just a few hours, but a full day dedicated to relaxing. So Bartle and I curled up on the couch and watched streaming television all afternoon. It was nice until the guilt settled in.

5:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. After taking a shower, I took Bartle for a walk. He seemed upbeat though he still isn't eating as much as he should. Cleaned his wound again followed by a call from hubby, which lead to more guilt. We have a long weekend coming up at the end of the month, but if I don't finish my SoCal lectures so I can turn in my handouts by the deadline, I'll be working during our long weekend. So I began reviewing the Shadowed Roots lecture, which I'm giving this Thursday, but need to clean up for SoCal, and made a few more changes to my Librarian lecture based on the feedback from my test run. I placed notes for some altered screenshots, which will wait until I return to work, but otherwise the Shadowed lecture is finished and both handouts are done. One more lecture to go.

9:00 p.m. - 1:00 a.m. Bartle and I enjoyed another walk and then the agony of the wound care treatment. I noticed that some of the leakage had run down his face and into his neck, so I questioned whether this could be responsible for his itching. Keeping a close eye on him, I removed the cone and bathed his face and neck with the pet wipes, removing all the build up. He enjoyed a thorough brushing and remained very well behaved. I washed out his cone and allowed it to air dry, naively thinking Bartle required a reprieve from the torturous cone and that we could sit on the couch together for a bit. Taking a few steps into the living room, Bartle dropped to the ground and began rubbing his face on the carpet. It happened so fast and I truly was keeping a close eye on him. Falling to the ground, I grabbed his face so I could check his eye. Honestly, I can't tell if he caused any damage. I had mentioned to the vet tech on Saturday that two of his stitches looked abnormal, but she responded that nothing was ripped and with his swelling, everything looks distorted. His stitches looked the same as usual though I'm still concerned about the two that look abnormal, especially as his swelling has gone down. I wrestled the cone back on and we sat on the couch to watch t.v. While sitting there, I began to cry. I thought he would enjoy the relief of not wearing the cone, yet I could have set back his recovery if he had damaged his eye. I debated calling the vet in the morning to have him checked. And of course, the vicious nightly cycle continued and I couldn't sleep.

Let the Madness Begin

Day 3, Sunday

9:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m. Between my coughing and Bartle's itch issues, I didn't sleep well, so I allowed myself another late morning. Much more of this dysfunctional sleep routine and I'll be in trouble. With all the warm weather, allergy season has started early and unfortunately for Bartle, this is rough. His ears are usually the first sign that his allergies are flaring up. He begins to scratch them insistently. Having a cone on his head prevents him access to his ears, so he scratches the cone trying to get to the itch then becomes so upset that he tries to push the cone over his own head. So for the majority of the night, I listened to his nails scratching the cone. Then I would get up and scratch his ears until he calmed. This was not as easy as it sounds as I'm confused in the middle of the night and he is upset and fidgety and I'm trying to scratch an area near his swelling without touching his bruising. We have Benadryl for him, but I was unsure of mixing it with his painkillers, anti-inflammatory, and joint medication. I know, my dog takes more meds than me right now. So I felt a bit shaky while getting ready for work and suddenly realized it had been an hour and forty minutes. This was not a good sign as this meant I was unaware of losing time.

11:00 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. Drove into work and wrote up my blog post before beginning the day. Today marked the beginning of our March Madness programming. I worked with John all day which was fun. We have this interesting rapport and comfort level. I managed to cram a lot of stuff into my first hour before meeting with Kris, who was our speaker for the day. Kris and I met in Salt Lake City and sat next to each other on a return flight a few years ago. During the flight we discovered we had a lot in common, such as a love of genealogy, lecturing, travel, food, being rabid college football fans, and we both have spouses who are in the same professional field as us, which can be complicated. So I was quite pleased to introduce him for his lecture on Polish research. We had a moment before the session when my boss snuck in the back. Kris asked, if I knew Curt was planning to be there. I responded, no that he had an outside appointment today. Kris said, then he must be checking up on you, which I replied, maybe he is checking on you. This byplay has to do with the fact that a position might be coming open in my department in the coming year and there are many people interested in the job, including me. The lecture had a good crowd and Kris was phenomenal as expected. We parted with plans to try different levels of chili at the NGS Conference in May. Did I mention we both love food? The rest of the work shift was uneventful.

4:30 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. I went home and talked to mom and dad during separate calls. Dad was at the airport so I couldn't clarify some things he said, but he did share that he had made copies of their birth and marriage certificates for my UDC application. Yay! I was a bit confused to hear my grandmother "had essentially gone off the rails and was being hospitalized." I don't know if this means she is in a hospital or an institution. She has suffered from dementia for years, but I pointed out to hubby that I thought she was a bit off for decades. Fed, medicated, cleaned, and walked Bartle.

6:30 p.m. - 12:30 a.m. Becky came over for our weekly t.v. viewing. We caught up on The Vampire Diaries and Once Upon a Time. Bartle was ecstatic at having his gal pal around. Instead of acting all whiny and pathetic, he was overly hyper. I was still a bit concerned because he is only eating about a quarter of his normal food intake, but based on his energy level around Becky, I think he'll be fine. Talked to hubby before medicating and cleaning Bartle's wound. Completed an hour of prayer and Bible reading, which I do every Sunday. And then I couldn't sleep. This was what I was afraid would happen. I'm now in one of those cycles where my body is exhausted yet I can't shut down the mental chaos in my head.

Panicky Moment

Hubby and I were discussing my speaking engagement calendar, in which I had stated at the end of last year that 2012 would be a slow year. Of course, that was before I agreed to be on the FGS 2013 Programming Committee along with providing these sessions in the next six months. Just to give you an idea of what my schedule looks like:

• 2/10   ACPL Staff Day presenting "Ancestry.com - Your Online Genealogy Resource"
• 3/21   Moderating for the DAR March Madness discussion "It Was Everyone's War"  
• 3/22   at March Madness, "Shadowed Roots: Antebellum Era Records for African-American Research" 
• 4/28   at the  IGS Conference, "Becoming Expert at Using Ancestry"
• 6/8-6/10 Southern California Genealogy Jamboree in Burbank, California
• "Think Like a Genalogy Librarian"
• "Before Crossing the Ocean: American Records of Our Immigrant Ancestors"
• "Shadowed Roots: Antebellum Era Records for African-American Research"
• 6/23   ACPL presenting "How to Use the Genealogy Center: Basics"
• July ? Organizing Your Genealogy Week, "Digital Organization: The No Paper Approach to Genealogy"
• 7/28   ACPL presenting, "Ancestry: The Beginner’s Way to Search"

Plus I'm trying to write up my classes for the 2013 Volusia/ Flagler Genealogical Seminar in Florida, where I'm the headline presenter.


I was trying to explain to hubby why this was becoming a bit overwhelming. I speak for the love of it. I love being in front of a crowd, sharing a topic, and instructing them on something new. It is truly enjoyable for me. I've taken on more speaking engagements because I enjoy it, but also to keep my organization in the forefront of people's minds. I plan to be at my current employer for a while, hence would like to have a collection to represent in the coming years, so I'm willing to go out and be a face for our organization. I am not a glory hound or ego maniac. I don't present for personal glory, but for other reasons.

That being said, I got a bit panicky this weekend. I told hubby about how I've gotten used to the fact that when I attended my first national conference almost a decade ago, I was in awe of Curt, who has since become my boss, and Tony, who I've shared drinks with and have spoken opposite of at local events. But it really hit me this weekend that I was in competition with the same speakers I saw a decade ago for some of the recent engagements I've accepted. So the panic set in. Am I to the level of these people I once sat in awe of or these people who have written books that I deem the required reference material for any genealogist? Am I giving people their money's worth? It was a pretty terrifying thought.

I know my gals are reading this, shaking their heads, thinking of the many times I have lectured them on their knowledge and speaking ability. You needn't worry. I gave myself the same lecture and am ready to take it all on, but the next time I have one of these attacks, remind me of my worth! Because I am ready! Though I have to admit a sense of amazement at the opportunities before me.

Backwards and Forwards

This week has been a wild ride for me. I honestly questioned my ability to present six lectures at three different conferences on three varied subject areas all within one week, but I survived and based on comments I’ve received, I did an outstanding job each time. The week began with the Military Seminar. I should have recalled that when coordinating an event, you should decline to offer any of the programs because you’ll only exhaust yourself. Several people were not pleased to discover that I was the representative for the center rather than my manager, but those same people approached me after my pension presentation to tell me how impressed they were with my lecture. One even tried to offer a compliment in saying they could understand why my boss allowed me to speak at this event. Okay, I thought, considering I was the one responsible for the entire seminar.

A few days later, I co-presented a two hour lecture at the Indiana Library Federation Conference along with my amazing colleague, Dawne. I managed to shock her when mid-lecture I used the example of ?ucker for a search. In my defense, I definitely kept the attendees on their toes. Dawne and I attended Delia’s session as backups to help with any perilous questions. Delia had the group chuckling at several of her death quips. The only backup she needed was a mention of the Daitch Mokotoff Soundex, which I just personally like saying. At the end of the week, there was the all day conference in Indianapolis. It was my first experience as the main speaker at an event. Four lectures on varying immigration topics and a very pleased audience. This was my forward momentum, another example of the changes in my career.

A few weeks ago, I received messages from several of my former employees, who were distressed about decisions involving my old collection. I was devastated to hear about the changes, yet felt it was another reminder that accepting my current job was a smart decision. The night before I spoke in Indy, the last true genealogy librarian left from my time and experience at my old library, sent me a message that she was being transferred and her position dissolved. I was a bit shell-shocked by this. It was the final death nail in my legacy. No specialized librarians in that collection; no one that the societies respect; no one with even basic knowledge of genealogy research; no one to offer original classes, only to read the notes and powerpoints I created almost seven years ago; no one who understands the book ordering; no one who cares for the history of that collection. It truly breaks my heart, but it also was a sign that I have to continue in my forward motion.

Do They Know They're Insulting

I'm going to make a confession: I'm proud of my accomplishments. Yes, I even have an ego over some of the things I've managed to achieve in my limited years and I feel I should be allowed this self-indulgence because rarely do I rub it in anyone's face unless provoked or if I'm joking. One of my many pet peeves is when people question my work ethic or knowledge. I'll readily admit when I don't know something and am always willing to ask for help.

Yet, one of my colleagues once asked me what experience I had to get the job since this particular individual had been doing their own family research for twenty odd years. I, of course, responded with my vitae of accomplishments, which includes managing an entire collection and two satellite centers, thank you very much!

Then yesterday, I had an individual who asked about my entry level position. I didn't want to insult the person but felt the need to mention that my position requires a masters degree and several years of experience. The person followed this up by saying, they didn't mean to sound rude, but what experience did I have. As my other colleague can attest, this was all said in a somewhat astounded tone. My response of course was the "I managed an entire collection for a few years to gain experience."

A part of me wants to believe these people truly don't realize how insulting they are, but admits that yes, they do. They qualify their statements in hopes of disarming and then follow through with their insult. It's all rather annoying. But I have to admit, I love rubbing people's faces in my accomplishments because I do try to be humble under normal conditions.

An Amazing Ten Years

June 11, 2001 is an important date in my life. It was my first day as a part time librarian in the HCPLC's History and Genealogy Department. I had been in library school for a month and hadn't a clue of what I was doing. My job interview consisted of me honestly answering that I didn't know how to access the catalog or what databases were available or what genealogy was, but I was more than willing to learn if someone was willing to teach me. For some crazy reason, Lisa W. thought she could teach me and decided to hire me. Lisa was my first of many mentors over the years. She gave me my start and had faith in my abilities over the years.

Other genealogists and librarians touched my life and affected my career. Too many to be named in this post, but some of them appear in this pic of Elvia's last day in the department. Drew S. took the time to mentor me while I was in school when I wanted to be an academic librarian. After a fateful meeting at ALA, where librarian's were discussing the new HeritageQuest Online product and I met Curt W., who would eventually become my boss, I returned to school asking Drew to guide me into becoming a genealogy librarian. Through the years, I questioned his advice, such as the time he recommended I take a position as a general reference librarian instead of as a genealogy librarian when I graduated. He thought it would make me more marketable and he was right. Over the years, he had faith in me and offered me my first outside speaking engagement, talking to paraprofessionals about genealogy, and even recommended me to replace him in the University's MLIS program instructing possible future genealogy professionals.

Andrew B. would be the next person to have a major impact on my career. He recognized my leadership skills and thought I should replace Lisa as head of the History and Genealogy Collection, where I had begun my career. With his guiding hand in becoming a library supervisor, I started the next portion of my career. Even when I told him, I was ready for a change and needed to move on, he supported my decisions and still guides me when I face career challenges. When I left HCPLC and began my new experience, the group pictured in this photo were my employees (Cheryl was part of our group but not my employee).

The man I met at ALA eons ago, Curt W., would entice me during a phone interview concerning his views on genealogy instruction and its future. After our conversation, I knew where I belonged. I moved away from everything I knew to work in one of the premiere genealogical research facilities in the country, coordinating programs and seminars, and offering my expertise to others, while working with some of the most knowledgeable and wonderful group of people I've ever met. It has been a long and winding journey over the past ten years and I would never have made it this far, without my mentors. As I said there are those who I haven't mentioned, including the multiple researchers and society members, who made up my customer base over the years, but those I referenced have had the largest impact. Without their influence, I wouldn't be where I am today and I thank them for everything.