Balance

In the past six months my life has become very focused and driven towards one goal though many options remain available. I have chosen to ignore everything except my research, which has led to me being out of balance. I love socializing with my friends, knitting, and writing, yet these aspects of my life are limited or non-existent at this time. I have been very focused on my career lately and with that in mind, my research projects have consumed my minimal free time. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying my research and find it fascinating. But I feel compelled to work on it because with each reveal, I discover a new example I can use in a lecture or someday write about the discovery process.

Every evening and weekend, I promise myself that I will spend a bit of time on my writing or just relax and watch t.v. for the night, but it never happens. I'm still coordinating the writing group, but have not even touched my own writing in months. I had written down a goal of two hours of writing during my three day weekend. It never came to fruition though I did find several documents that will help my UDC application instead.

I have been desperately seeking a balance in my life so I can enjoy all my interests, but can't seem to shake this compulsion. This weekend was filled with several shocks and I rolled with the punches until last night. Suddenly, all the emotions I had been tamping down, emotions that I vent in my writing, came to the surface because they've had no outlet. Maybe this will be my motivator to balance things out, to learn how to juggle all the interests rather than giving myself over to one. Hopefully, I'll find my muse again and discover myself along the way because there is more than one aspiration for my life.

I Am a Planner

I love to plan and organize things as far in advance as possible. I have lived out of my day planner my entire adult life. I thrive on have my coming weeks mapped out so I can look forward to certain events or prepare myself for others. Once I make plans with someone to go somewhere, I like to know where we're going, when, and other details. I know this stems from my desperate need to control my environs. I recognize that it is impossible to control everything, but I can dominate my schedule into submission. When things are disorganized, I become rather uncomfortable.

When Mich and I traveled to New England this past fall, we decided to plan sections of our trip, but not to finalize a lot of decisions, so we could alter as needed. This worked out well since we had lots of misadventures thanks to the unplanned excursions, plus we added more days at Acadia, which is now my second favorite vacation spot. At the same time, not planning ahead when Mich and I visited Chicago led to us missing out on the Harry Potter display which was one of the main reasons for our visit. Don’t get me wrong, we had a blast on our trip, but I still regret missing the exhibit.

My desire to plan ahead is a running joke among my friends. They know if we want to go somewhere or do something that I'll research and coordinate the event. So imagine our surprise when we planned a recent movie night. Becky said she would check for movie times since I had a rather busy week, which led to us calling Erin to discuss our plans the night before our planned GNO. Erin remarked on her shock that I hadn't made arrangements earlier in the week. I usually buy opening weekend movie tickets ahead of time. She was worried something was wrong with the universe since I had actually passed the responsibility baton to Becky.

Currently, my schedule is in chaos. I have two conferences which require travel in the next two months, but certain details have not been finalized. I admit to feeling antsy over the big details, such as what day to leave, but am willing to wait to the last minute on planning out whether I'm carpooling, arrival times, or access to the hotel room. I can wait on those decisions, which is shocking for someone like me. Also, with the house hunt, we aren't sure of anything since everything is in the air, which is an uncomfortable place for me. Plus, with my mom being sick, I may need to make a trip to Florida in the coming months. So I am trying to tamp down my urge to plan and instead am focusing on one week at a time. It truly is amazing when you notice the changes in your own personality.

House Update

Just to keep everyone informed about the house hunt. We decided against the house in B* Hills. There were way too many issues from the electrical, the appliances, including air conditioning, water heater, etc., linking to city water, and all the cosmetic issues. I know others can live with the electrical situation that we were facing, but we could not, especially since my father, who is an electrical engineer, was very insistent about the situation. So it is back to the drawing board for us.

This whole experience has been interesting to me because hubby and I have differing personalities. I am very analytical in my decision making. I gather all the facts, lay them out, research things I don't understand, weigh the pros and cons, and make a decision. Even if I'm uncertain that I've made the right decision, I go forward because I have the facts backing me up. On the other hand, hubby goes with the gut reaction, which is usually negative. I'm the half-full partner, while he is the half-empty one. And even with all the facts in place, hubby still struggles with the final decision.

With the house discussion, these differences have become exponential. The bigger dilemma is hubby admits he is completely incapable of making a big decision and will never be able to make a final decision on a house, career, the kid question, etc., yet he refuses to grant me more control in making the decisions (which is funny when you consider his decision to marry me since I was the skittish one and he knew what he wanted). Currently, I give him all the facts, asking for his input and advice, which is as it should be, but we need a middle ground, where he would accept that I can make the decision unless he is completely adverse to it.

As we muddle along trying to find the right path, we are going forward with looking for a house. Hubby understands with the monetary issue that I have presented him concerning our financial situation that a house is a better option, but he doesn't fully agree with my mindset. I can relate to his fears over money but I never experienced the poverty of his childhood. And though my parents taught me the importance of good financial standing and savings, they also ingrained in me that there are other values more important than money.

So that is the update. It has been a wild ride so far.

You Call THAT Customer Service

As a customer service professional, I analyze my personal customer service interactions. I can relate to someone having a bad day, adhering to the rules, a misunderstanding, and a breakdown in communication because I've had them all in my own work. Personally, I've had the bad meal at a restaurant, the waitress who ended her shift and never returned, the doctor who can't read a chart and thinks I'm pregnant, the rep who read my bill to me instead of addressing my question, but now, I can say, I have experienced the federal government definition of service, which I call non-existent service.

I have been reviewing my finances and my student loan. And I went online to the federal site to check my loan types because it can effect a financial decision I am pondering. Without giving away details, the site said I had an X loan, which I thought was a bit odd. I reviewed my papers at home and thought I should have a Y loan. I called my loan provider to double check. The woman I spoke with left me with little faith in the information she provided, but she stated I had a Y loan.

So I called the fed and got Matthew, who was so deadpan monotone reading off his list of questions. I tried to have a jovial tone of voice which he did not appreciate. I stated my confusion over the loan type. He informed me that I never had a Y loan. Um, when I looked at your site earlier it said I did but it was converted to an X loan; I have papers that state at one time I had a Y loan; and the service provider says their records indicate it is a Y loan. Then you'll need to talk to your provider since we get the information from them, he responded in his bored monotone, which is probably true and I will do that, but it was his delivery of the information that irked me. I explained to him why I required the information and asked how to request that the information between the two parties be verified since they were telling me different things. He told me I had to discuss it with the service provider.

I felt very frustrated after speaking with this bureaucrat who apparently hated me bothering him with my concern. He could have used inflection in his tone or offered that I request someone more specific at the provider level to help or recommend a form because I'm sure others have had similar situations. Either way, it was unfriendly service which was almost identical to the service I received on their website. Wait, it was like talking to a computer, but supposedly Matthew was a person.

And to counter this story, I have to say I received amazing service twice in the past few weeks. Once was at the Clinique counter during their crazy bonus days. I explained to the beautician about my adult acne issue and my concerns over damage from acne solutions and my fine lines. She was amazing and went through an entire system with me, offering up ideas that were not produced by their computer program. She has made me a Clinique customer for acne and skin care products now. And my mortgage broker, Michelle, is amazing. She met with me after I got off work, answered my oddball questions, and was understanding of an error I made on the application and an error I recently made on my accounts. She made me feel good by laughing off one of my mistakes and pointing out why it didn't matter, which helped me feel more relieved. She explained all the nuances of the different packages and numbers, making the whole appointment comfortable.

There you have it; the good and the bad of customer service.

Out and About

Recall I had mentioned to hubby that this year was going to be a quieter year on the career front. I guess I was wrong. Here is my upcoming speaking schedule:

• 4/17  "Collaboration: Your Library's Gateway to 'the Sky's the Limit'!" with Delia at the Indiana Library Federation District 3 Conference
• 4/28 "Becoming Expert at Using Ancestry" at the Indiana Genealogical Society Conference
• 6/8 "Think Like a Genealogy Librarian" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/9 "Blogger Summit Panel: Now That You're a Genealogy Blogger" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/10 "Before Crossing the Ocean: American Records of Our Immigrant Ancestors" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/10 "Shadowed Roots: Antebellum Era Records for African-American Research" at the Southern California Genealogical Society Jamboree
• 6/23 "How to Use The Genealogy Center: Basics" at ACPLs Tree Talks
• 7/12 "Digital Organization: The No Paper Approach to Genealogy" at ACPLs Controlling Genealogical Clutter Week
• 7/28 "Ancestry: The Beginner's Way to Search" at ACPLs Tree Talks
• 9/22 "Ancestry: The Beginner's Way to Search"at the DeMotte Public Library
• 9/22 "Becoming Expert at Using Ancestry"at the DeMotte Public Library
• October - ACPLs Family History Month
• 1/19/13 "Discovering Your Female Ancestors" at the Volusia-Flagler Council of Genealogical Societies Genealogy Seminar
• 1/19/13 "Overlooked Records for Hurdling the Census Chasm" at the Volusia-Flagler Council of Genealogical Societies Genealogy Seminar
• 1/19/13 "Knocking Down the Brick Wall" at the Volusia-Flagler Council of Genealogical Societies Genealogy Seminar

And no, I am not announcing when my home will be vacant by announcing my speaking engagements. (Some pals of mine recently posted about people announcing that they will not be at home.)

Situation Normal

I read a lot of relationship blogs because it is hard work to maintain a strong healthy marriage, especially when the spouses live apart. My dad has worked on contracts all over the United States and in several foreign countries. As a child, I never gave it much thought that my dad lived in Detroit or Cleveland, while we lived in Tampa because he would come home as much as possible and act like a typical father. It was not an ideal situation but it was one necessitated by economics. Fast forward a few decades and I find myself in a similar situation. We moved to Indiana for my career. This was an opportunity I could not pass up. And four and a half years later, I have absolutely no regrets about the move except for the fact hubby found an amazing job 80 miles from here. Hubby has a set schedule so he can come home every weekend and visit. We talk everyday via the phone or e-mail. And we strive to maintain a very honest dialog since are communications are limited.

When we lived together in Tampa, we had such varying schedules there were some days I only saw him for an hour, so I told myself this situation was liveable. And we have made it work though it is hard and there are times we discuss are options (not divorce, but whether we should move, etc.). The answer always comes back to the fact we moved here for my career and if I leave, well, I'll need a new career because this is it for me. So though this is not the ideal situation, we have remained happily married through the distance.

So imagine my surprise when reading a blog entry concerning a phenomena called, LAT (couples who Live Apart Together). According to a Census Bureau report, 3.8 million married couples are living apart in the United States. The majority of these situations are due to career decisions, but some individuals live separately because they believe it helps their marriage. Now I'm not part of the latter group. If hubby could get a job in town and live with me, I would prefer it. But it was fascinating to discover that we aren't a rare situation, but instead are one of millions. See, we are a typical American married couple!

Crossroads

Hubby and I had a nice relaxing four day weekend. Not! Okay, maybe it was relaxing for hubby, but I was a woman on multiple missions. The weekend began with Bartle's stitch removal. For some reason, the vet was running late, so though I bolted out of work, sped home, sped to the vet; Bartle and I waited for more than thirty minutes for our appointment. I have to say, he looks rather dashing with his scar and I know he is excited to be out of the cone. The next day was spent at the dealership, where multiple good things happened. Considering I had a horrendous experience the last time I took my car in, i.e. the guy I worked with did not explain the repairs and cost correctly, leading me to a $600 repair that I had budgeted $300 towards, plus he told me they needed to clean my battery, so imagine my shock when I was told they replaced it. Next, I had a nail in my tire from the Florida trip and when the car was returned to me, I was missing part of the rim. This time, I had been quoted a price for my service and I mentioned the rim issue, which the mechanic commented that mine were not standard issues, so they may have to special order it. Imagine my shock when there was no bill and they found the missing piece to my rim. Yay!

I did dedicate some time to completing my SoCal lectures and handouts, so I can wipe my brow at finishing that task. Saturday, hubby and I had an appointment with the realtor, followed by Becky and I going to the movies to see The Hunger Games again. Yes, I teared up a second time and can safely say, I really do think it's a phenomenal movie. Sunday was a horrendous day. I woke up with lots of plans, but by midday, I was wretchedly sick with a migraine, which lasted through the night.

So onto the dilemma ... hubby and I looked at several houses on Saturday, one of which is down the street from Erin. When everything was said and done, hubby once again felt we weren't house people whereas I felt I could see myself living in one of the houses. Yes, it's an older house and would require a bit of TLC, not much mind you, but some, but I could see the potential. Hubby did not see it. I gave him twenty-four hours to mull things over before I asked him to truly think about this house. Based on current asking price, it would be cheaper than our rent. Yes, there are the expenses of up-keep, but our rent increase next year will push us past what is livable for me. I like the space the house affords. I can see myself coming home and relaxing without feeling intruded on by my neighbors. I can see myself entertaining at this house, which is a plus. It is very open and welcoming.

Hubby on the other hand sees the cost and the work only. Mind you, earlier this weekend, he informed me that he could get a newly renovated apartment that includes a washer and dryer set for an extra $100 a month. I told him to go for it. He whined that was another $1200 a year. For those who know how atrocious his current apartment is, you know the price shouldn't matter. His place hasn't been renovated in well over 20+ years and seriously needs an overhaul, so I think it is worth the money, especially as he will feel more comfortable with his decision to stay in Muncie. But for him, it in not worth the cost.

As with the dog, we know every aspect of the house will fall on me, which I can live with at this point, but I need help with the expenses, which to hubby aren't worth it. This creates the dilemma. The rental community in the Fort in very limited. I like the amenities of my complex, but hate the complex and the prices keep increasing. I keep asking him where am I going to live, but he has no answer. My answer is in a house, but can I handle all that responsibility?