Babies Babies Everywhere

Everywhere I've turned recently there are babies everywhere. Our refrigerator is covered in photos of our nieces and nephew, Cheryl's A & Z, and Catherine's D. I'm missing Sara's B, Jen's C, and Erin's I (hint, hint). I spent time this weekend with Catherine's D (the pic of hubby in the previous post) and last night I finally met Erin's I(the pics are from my phone), who stole my heart. Isn't he adorable?

Which raises the question of what happened at the doctors last week? I sat with the doctor explaining to him I had chosen the surgery that would prevent me from having children and I was 99% sure and okay with this decision, when my heart tripped. As we continued talking, the doc asked me further questions about my hesitation and at one point even tapped me on the nose, nearly making me cry. I couldn't explain why I was so upset. I was positive of my decision and knew it was for the best, but something was choking me. The doc offered to postpone scheduling the surgery as he read through my files from my previous doc. As we continued talking I felt this fear that I was making a mistake which made no sense...I don't want kids of my own. I love being the auntie and all it entails. The doc had a solution, which I latched onto as a lifeline. We are going with a new fourth alternative. We'll schedule a little minor consultation at the docs and receive a slight chance at 5 years of symptom reprieve and more time to settle into my decision. There are no guarantees, we'll know in 6 months if it worked, but I was glad for the option. I still can't explain what came over me, but I couldn't give up the chance.

Holiday Weekend

We'll discuss the all important doctor's appointment another day. Today, I want to share what a fabulous weekend I had with the hubby and gush about how wonderful he is. I have been suffering from a horrible bout with the plague, hence no Christmas photos of me this year. I was truly unsure if I was going to make it. Hubby allowed me to wallow in my misery most of the weekend, though we did our usual holiday routine of watching It's a Wonderful Life, hubby making cinnamon rolls for breakfast, and me making pot roast for dinner. It was a nice and simple holiday.

The gifts this year were completely one-sided. My gifts for hubby bombed terribly due to certain items appearing one way on line and being atrociously ugly in reality and others being 1 mm larger than required. I made up for it with toasted almonds and coconut candy. Hubby bought me such wonderful gifts, including my snow boots and comfy down jacket (I'm in love), a Gator snowman, and Starbucks Coffee as a stocking stuffer to go along with the coffee maker my parents had sent me. There were many more gifts from hubby, who once again outdid himself. The most hilarious gift award goes to Crystal, who sent me a football picture ornament which had Tebow in a Superman outfit. I laughed for a while over that one. Between various family and friends, I think we were on the phone at least 3 hours talking to people. It was really nice.

On Saturday, we were challenged to a rematch of the Thanksgiving Scene-It championship, but this time with the addition of the Pickrels. We happily agreed along with the offer of meal a la Catherine and James. Hubby had a funny moment trying to feed and burp Baby D, who is adorable and really well behaved.

Sunday was a beautiful snow-in day. I just watched the snow come down and create a blanket across our "yard." Later, I took Bartle for a run in the snow knowing he would dive into the wet flakes and create a massive cleanup.

All around an enjoyable relaxed holiday weekend. Now I need to prepare for New Years and partying.

Happy Holidays

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday this year! Hubby and I will be ensconced in traditions over the next week and we hope everyone has an enjoyable week. Can't wait to hear what goals everyone has for the New Year!

Decision

Though I am over the moon excited and even did a happy dance when Erin called to say Baby Boy arrived a month early, it reiterated my thoughts concerning my medical decision. Between my own personal thoughts, talking to the hubby, seeing notes in my medical file, and talking to my loved ones who have reminded me of previous conversations, I have decided to go ahead with the surgery. I have such a wonderful support network, who have listened to me argue the merits of each option and have even offered further ideas should I decide I want children later on. Thank you all for your wonderful support and for listening to me for hours as I repeat the same reasons over and over for why I feel the way I do about having a child now.

Time Has Run Out

My niece asked the other day why I wasn't having kids cause she'd really like a cousin. I told her I was a selfish person, in which she corrected me that I cared for her, therefore could not be selfish. Too bad life is not as simple as a ten year old's view of it.

Last year, I wrote about having to make a medical decision, in which, I took the easier road and bought myself some time to determine if I wanted children. A year later and I still recognize I don't want children now, but in the distant future...maybe, I don't know. I don't see myself making the final decision to get pregnant. I had a twinge this year where I debated becoming a mommy, but still viewed it as an abstract thought rather than reality.

This week, I underwent some further tests since my symptoms have returned worse than ever. The doctor informed me, my time had run out. He could do a minor procedure that had a 50% chance of alleviating my symptoms for a limited time if I chose to have a baby, but that the end result was I require surgery that will eliminate the possibility of children.

I've had a whole year to contemplate this decision and still can't say if I want kids. I truly dislike being in the position of making a final decision, but at the same time, I wonder haven't I already decided, but don't want to admit it. Looking back, I have no regrets up to this point. I have wonderful nieces and a nephew to shower my love and attention on. My body is forcing me to make the decision my mind didn't ever want to make. The hubby asked what would be my optimal idea of when to have children, when I described it to him, he pointed out the flaws in my vision. I would be very unhappy in the life I described. Have I based my ideal family situation on an unattainable dream to insure I never thought it was the right time for a child? Over the next week, I'll make my final decision on what is the best course.

Thanks to those who have listened to me go back and forth in my thought process on this subject.

Clark Kent is Superman

I never bought the whole no one knew Clark Kent was Superman idea. Seriously, how naive are people that a pair of glasses threw off recognizing the guy. I can safely affirm that yes, a pair of glasses can alter an appearance significantly enough to make someone unrecognizable. Depending on how bad my allergies are, I have been switching off between wearing contacts and my glasses this past year and have run into the glasses as a disguise phenom.

Recently I helped a customer with a rather complicated question, where she found over 20 pages of documentation. I mean a seriously big find in genealogy research. She was really excited. The next day she came back to the desk to ask for help on something else and as I worked with her, I asked if we were still focusing on ancestors in Tennessee. She asked how I knew she was looking in Tennessee. I pointed out that I was the person who had helped her the night before. She told me I looked different. I was wearing my glasses.

When we ran into Mark and Peggy in NYC, Mark asked Peggy to introduce us since he hadn't met me before. I pointed out that we worked together for almost 6 years. I was wearing contacts. (Michelle pointed out that it's been 2 years and my hair is shorter and darker also)

Another instance involved another customer asking me why I was wearing someone else's name badge, which has my photo. I assured her it was mine. She said I looked nothing like the photo and that the person could be my mother in the photo. I once again stated it was my photo, just with glasses.

So apparently the Clark Kent disguise is a valid one that we need to remember to use if we want to go incognito.

Tearful End

Last evening was a shocking night in college football. I was working yesterday when I received a phone call from a certain Michiganian who wanted to gleefully inform me my beloved Gators were choking at the SEC Championship Game. I got home at half time to finish watching the end of an incredible season and dynasty.

I'm trying to understand how the #1 defense in the nation doesn't show up to a game as important as this one. There were innumerable missed tackles per play, Alabama was allowed to slowly drive the ball down field, and basically dominate control of the ball most of the game. The defense should have shut them down, but failed to do so. Florida's weaknesses within the offense were apparent during the game. They have absolutely no running game, with the exception of Tebow's rushing yards, and the failure of the receivers to hold the ball is indescribable. I had noticed the receiver issue earlier in the season and had commented to the hubby, in the days of the Ol' Ball Coach, they would have been forced to carry footballs to and from classes in an effort to teach them to hold the damn ball. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the Gators and will continue to cheer for them, but it was so frustrating to watch the game. Alabama was a formidable enemy going into the game, the Gators should have been better prepared in how to handle them. Alabama absolutely deserved the win.

I had another phone conversation where the individual asked why my quarterback was a "pansy" crying on live tv. All I can say is I was crying along with him, as I'm sure many fans were. It was a devastating blow to Tebow, who had won the 2006 & 2008 SEC Conference, 2006 & 2008 National Championship, and 2007 Heisman. He had hoped to go out in a blaze of glory with a 2009 overall win, but it all ended with the SEC Game. As did the wave of victories the Gator Nation has been enjoying. It was a crushing blow that ended everyone's dreams, especially Tebow's. He won't ever get the moment back. I feel for him. He's put his heart and soul into the team, game, and fans and it brutally ended. I will always admire his passion, love for the game, and his prowess on the field. The apology he made after the Mississippi Game will live in infamy in my mind as a standard that others should strive to accomplish. He will forever be remembered as being the Gator who beat all the records and made fans proud.

As for the other game of the night, what the heck happened at the end of the Big 12 Conference Game? Now I have an intense dislike of Nebraska since the 1995 disaster in Tempe (Gators know what I'm talking about). Why did McCoy drag out the play so there was a question at the end? I felt a tad bit for Nebraska believing they had won the game only to lose it. But great game!

So until next year, Go Gators!!!!

Objectifying Men

I know, I know, I always joke about the eye candy when watching a tv show, movie, or sometimes when discussing a real person, but I was recently disturbed by a trend I noticed. With the release of New Moon a few weeks ago, women were clambering to catch a glimpse of the actors from the movie. As I watched interviews on late night tv, I found it uncomfortable to listen to the actors discuss their interactions with female fans. Some of them are truly disturbing.

Robert Pattinson openly discusses women asking him to bite them, while the other actors have women continuously offering themselves up or asking for the clothes off the actor's backs. Taylor Lautner frequently tells a story of a woman asking him to sign the panties she was wearing at the time. Let's remember he's underage.

If a man treated a woman the way these actors are being objectified, we would find his behavior sexist and misogynistic, yet we find it acceptable for women to behave in this fashion. I'm not sure when women became the alpha male, but its dismaying that we are teaching young girls to act in this manner.