The Health Gurus

Last year, I decided to be an outlier and questioned our insurance package at work. I had just experienced a brutal health year, in which our insurance company complicated matters by delaying tests, requiring further tests and analysis, and declining coverage. So when I began to hear the rumors that the entire system would be forced on a high deductible plan and the possibility of losing the system's contribution, I felt the need to speak up. Certain administrators seemed to forget that my former career was as a human resource specialist and that I had negotiated health contracts for my clients, so I began to be outspoken, asking questions about the costs, savings, implications, and the policies, procedures, and accountability for the employee, library, and insurance company. In the meantime, I had meetings with our human resource director, insurance representative, insurance consultant, and library director to discuss my concerns. In the end, our director decided not to push everyone onto the new health package.

There has not been much discussion as of yet on what packages will be offered next year, but one major change involving our health care is an alteration in our wellness screenings and credits. Previously, we would receive credits towards our premium if we met certain criteria during our health screenings. The problem with this system was the standards were nearly impossible to meet, forcing most of the staff to have their doctors complete forms stating the employee was being treated or improving that health "problem." These forms were so convoluted that some of the doctors couldn't complete them correctly.

So this year to earn credits, we must attend the health screenings at work and receive credits for taking a required test, signing a non-smoking voucher, completing a health assessment and meeting with a health advisor to discuss our assessment. Now, I don't mind taking the tests, but I dislike the assessment and discussion. I completed an assessment three years ago and was very frustrated by my session. The session is essentially someone lecturing you, personally, on not meeting the established criteria, but without any consideration to your personal health situation because these consultants are not your doctor. Last time, I was told to lower my stress. People who say this should not be in the health care profession. I was lectured non-stop about my cholesterol levels, which are genetically high. I am predisposed to high cholesterol and my doctor can explain the many ways that we have lowered it over the years and why we are avoiding meds at this time. According to the BMI criteria, I am overweight. This is the one that really makes me furious because a health consultant saying this to a twenty-something girl could lead to eating issues. I am not overweight. I am thirty pounds lighter than my heaviest weight. My body is shaped like a pear, which means I'm tiny on top and exponentially larger in the hip and bum area. I am proud of the fact that I have a curvy body and have learned to accept it, which I believe makes me a mentally healthier person.

So I will attend the screenings and the lecture in order to obtain my credits, but I definitely won't like it. And what I can't understand is why I can't have a physical done by my doctor who knows all my health issues instead. The conspiracy theorist in me fears I know the answer to that question.

Male/ Female Relations

Sarai's comment on the last post raised another question:
"You know another thing I think is weird? When you and one of your best friends decide to go on a girl's trip and someone decides you must be lesbians. I find that very strange also. Right along with the assumption that if one of your best friends is a guy, you must be having an affair. Why is the concept of friendship so difficult for some people to understand? "

These limited mindsets greatly disturb me. I have always been a tomboy and felt more comfortable around men than women, so for decades most of my friends were of the opposite sex. I never gave it much thought when I would flirt, chat, or hang out with a guy until the past few years when some men crossed the line.

Most of the time hubby does not like to travel, yet he respects my compulsion to visit new places. He's relieved that Michelle is my travel buddy and we have joked about people believing Mich and I are a couple. One such situation involved the time that Mich and I decided to share a bed since it was cheaper. We received a raised eyebrow from the guy behind the counter. And when Mich and I visit the clubs, yes, we dance together or hold hands. And if you've seen us dance, you know it's not to entice anyone and the hand holding is more a life-preserver as we wade through the mass of bodies. Give me a break! And one of our neighbors assumed Becky and I were live-in girlfriends residing in my one bedroom apartment.

And I believe in the male/ female friendship though small-minded people will assume we're having an affair. My BF, August, was my go-to guy for everything. If I needed a date for a function, he was it. We hung out, flirted, and joked, but never did anything inappropriate though we had dated in the past. Another pal was Brog, who had a brief modeling career and oozed sex appeal. To say I was in lust with him does not do it justice. Brog hated the way my ex treated me and continuously tempted me to end the relationship by having a wild affair with him. All those years, I was with someone who regularly cheated on me, yet I could never break my commitment and accept Brog's offer. This is how I know that if you are in a committed relationship and believe in it that you can avoid cheating. And hubby was uncomfortable when I began talking regularly about my friend, Tim, who I shared a lot in common with including being very committed to our spouses, so nothing wayward ever entered my mind. Yet other people viewed these relationships as potentials for affairs.

I don't see anything wrong with female/female or male/female friendships. Why can't we be adults and have both without it being sexual in nature?

You Call THAT Customer Service

As a customer service professional, I analyze my personal customer service interactions. I can relate to someone having a bad day, adhering to the rules, a misunderstanding, and a breakdown in communication because I've had them all in my own work. Personally, I've had the bad meal at a restaurant, the waitress who ended her shift and never returned, the doctor who can't read a chart and thinks I'm pregnant, the rep who read my bill to me instead of addressing my question, but now, I can say, I have experienced the federal government definition of service, which I call non-existent service.

I have been reviewing my finances and my student loan. And I went online to the federal site to check my loan types because it can effect a financial decision I am pondering. Without giving away details, the site said I had an X loan, which I thought was a bit odd. I reviewed my papers at home and thought I should have a Y loan. I called my loan provider to double check. The woman I spoke with left me with little faith in the information she provided, but she stated I had a Y loan.

So I called the fed and got Matthew, who was so deadpan monotone reading off his list of questions. I tried to have a jovial tone of voice which he did not appreciate. I stated my confusion over the loan type. He informed me that I never had a Y loan. Um, when I looked at your site earlier it said I did but it was converted to an X loan; I have papers that state at one time I had a Y loan; and the service provider says their records indicate it is a Y loan. Then you'll need to talk to your provider since we get the information from them, he responded in his bored monotone, which is probably true and I will do that, but it was his delivery of the information that irked me. I explained to him why I required the information and asked how to request that the information between the two parties be verified since they were telling me different things. He told me I had to discuss it with the service provider.

I felt very frustrated after speaking with this bureaucrat who apparently hated me bothering him with my concern. He could have used inflection in his tone or offered that I request someone more specific at the provider level to help or recommend a form because I'm sure others have had similar situations. Either way, it was unfriendly service which was almost identical to the service I received on their website. Wait, it was like talking to a computer, but supposedly Matthew was a person.

And to counter this story, I have to say I received amazing service twice in the past few weeks. Once was at the Clinique counter during their crazy bonus days. I explained to the beautician about my adult acne issue and my concerns over damage from acne solutions and my fine lines. She was amazing and went through an entire system with me, offering up ideas that were not produced by their computer program. She has made me a Clinique customer for acne and skin care products now. And my mortgage broker, Michelle, is amazing. She met with me after I got off work, answered my oddball questions, and was understanding of an error I made on the application and an error I recently made on my accounts. She made me feel good by laughing off one of my mistakes and pointing out why it didn't matter, which helped me feel more relieved. She explained all the nuances of the different packages and numbers, making the whole appointment comfortable.

There you have it; the good and the bad of customer service.

Vera Bradley

This weekend, I had what may be my first and last experience at the Vera Bradley store. It has been well documented on this blog that I am an envy-driven shopper. Dawne has numerous cute totes and bags from Vera Bradley and I think they are so adorable, though I'm not a fan of floral patterns. I found a pattern and tote that I liked online, but wanted to see the bag in person. I mentioned it to hubby and told him how I needed to wait to make the purchase since I didn't want to charge anything else at this time. Hubby, who in polite terms, is a tightwad, told me to go ahead and buy the bag. So off we went to the store.

My experience was anything but pleasant. To begin, I hate pushy sales people. To me, it feels like harassment not good customer service. Allow me to browse and I'll let you know when I need help. Don't follow behind me straightening items I touched because now you've made me feel bad. When I finally ask for help and explain my reasoning for selecting one bag over another (the zipper), please don't be flip with your comment. Apparently, they did not have the bag I saw online, so I had to truly shop. After much annoyance with the sales people, I selected a bag. Another customer approached me and said she would not buy anything from the store and did I want her gift card, which I, of course, took. I sent hubby up to the register with the gift card because the name on the card wouldn't match my credit card, yet he called me over. Apparently, when someone gets a gift card, a lot of personal data is given to the store, so the sales clerk wanted to know the full name the gift card was under, etc. I queried her back about the reasoning for the request, all the while thinking, if my friend gave them my info in order to get a gift card, I'd be mad. I explained to the sales clerk that some random customer gave it to me a moment ago. She used the gift card ($20 off the price), but wanted my name, phone, address, and email, which I inaccurately provided.

Hubby and I walked out of the store annoyed by the experience, but proud of my $20 less purchase. If hubby hadn't insisted that I go on Saturday, I would have paid full price.

No Cat Fights Allowed

Warning: Strong Language

I admit I have a temper and refuse to take bullshit from anyone, but I recognize there is a time and a place. I give people a chance, but once they cross the line with me, there is no redemption. I will view the individual as a waste of space and not worth my effort. Some of my girlfriends have joked about fearing crossing that line with me, but I can honestly say, I don't see how that is possible because it requires true maliciousness. One guaranteed though is to impune or question my professionalism or work ethic. I work my ass off and give more than 100%, which can not be said of others, so I have no patience for this type of behavior.

Though I have been confronted with colleagues who have crossed this line through the years, I have learned how best to deal with them thanks to some wonderful mentors. I once had an asshole who enjoyed the fact he was in a supervisory position over me as he truly wanted to see me grovel on my knees in a supplicant position. I had a bitch who claimed to be a friend, but nearly got me fired by reporting anything and everything I said to management. I managed alongside a pack of hyenas that didn't bother with stabbing in the back, but instead aimed for the jugular and dropped acid in the wound. I became the manager of a colleague that I had previously threatened with a hostile work environment charge. In essence, I have worked in some major conflict situations.

My mentors have taught me how best to handle these people with plumb, tack, and professionalism, without revealing my true feelings, which are shared with my friends instead. Person A told me to act like a cop. Be absolutely polite while reading someone their rights, all the while driving your knee into their back as you cuff them. Person B said to drown others in sweetness, offering a compliment along with the critique. Person C said to imagine myself strangling the person while smiling and talking kindly to them. I've taken variations of each in my handling of people. Just to make you feel more comfortable with C's suggestion, I can share with my friends that Z is a prick and Y is a shithead or X is a selfish narcissistic bitch, yet when I speak to the individual, I won't use those words.

So yesterday, I was once again confronted with a colleague who crossed a line with me again. Yes, this is the repeat offender. Though my friends knew I was volcanic over the situation, my response to my colleague was very professional and corrective. So you needn't worry that I'll get into a cat fight. I have previously dragged one of my colleagues into the back meeting room for a closed door meeting and have had several "conversations" with the repeat offender, but none have led to me raising my voice, which I would not do at work. I may use my "are you fucking kidding me" voice, but I will never ask "are you fucking kidding me."

Elitism

I have a Bachelors and Masters degree, yet I am of the opinion this does not make me better than other people, whereas apparently making it through a few years of school and having some letters after your name creates an elitist mind set for others. Working in the library field, I have watched this dynamic for years. Mind you, this is not a commentary on whether a MLS is required for the job, but rather the treatment of our fellow colleagues. One of the best business librarians I have ever met was Suzanne, who did not have a library degree and I'm unsure if she even had a bachelors degree, but she had 30 plus years experience and a knowledge base that many could not rival. When I had new hires, I always asked specifically for my BF, Michelle, to train them on the ILS (catalog). This was prior to her receiving her degree back when she was a circulation supervisor and an ILS assistant. In my opinion, she was more qualified to explain the OPAC (customer portion of the catalog) as well as the background system that we used that any IT specialist or degreed librarians.

Currently, I have three friends at my current place of employment who do not have library degrees, yet I feel they are my equals and professional colleagues, yet by their own statements and others comments, they are viewed as non-professionals. I heard such a comment yesterday, which made me furious for my colleague. These three wonderful ladies have experience and knowledge that I completely lack, which makes me view them as mentors. I learn so much from them and at the same time, do not believe I could accomplish some of my tasks without their collaboration.

As someone who was raised by a mother who barely completed her Associates, I can state that many people are just as capable of doing the job as those with degrees (and sometimes better). And just because they have a job title that is demeaning rather than a true title that defines their work, does not mean we have permission to put them in their place. Their place is to be recognized and reminded of their worth. So to my professional colleagues, friends, mentors, and all around gurus, thank you for being my partner at work. And ignore all those people who claim you need some letters after your name.

Thanksgiving in Florida

Though you can't tell from this photo, the trip to Florida consisted of a lot of DRAMA (this is said in a high pitched sing song voice). I can't even begin to discuss what all happened because I still get worked up at the thought of all the drama. Needless to say, when you combine a group of people who are stubborn, judgmental, selfish, and in denial, it leads to a huge mess, especially as one person was the driving force behind it all. My personality traits are listed here as well. Even leading up to this photo, someone was still causing drama, though we can deny it for the sake of the camera.

I do have some fond memories of the trip. I cooked Thanksgiving with my sister and mom, which is a first. I played cards with my nieces, including a fun game of poker. Mom, my sibs, hubby, and I taught the girls how to play. I had an interesting conversation with my brother which helped me see him in a different light, though we have far to go. I hung out at Gators with my gals and niece, N. It was the first time I was able to spend quality time with her and sharing something unique for the two of us. Having the younger niece, C, run up to hug me and when I asked if she knew who I was, she exclaimed, Issa. Watching football with dad, as we always do. Hanging out with the in-laws, who love to feed us and remind us that hubby does have family. Seeing my BF, Michelle, who actually trusted me to meet the boyfriend. She'll be shocked to hear me say, he was personable and good looking. These were precious moments for me, but I seriously struggle with getting passed the drama.

Discoveries of the Week

I discovered several things this past week that I felt the need to share:

1. Starbucks has this amazing caramel flavored coffee. Yum! I bought a package to make at home. Truly, yummy!

2. Sarai and Kevin are the cutest couple ever. I can't help it! They are still in their honeymoon phase, but it's darling to watch. This weekend was Sarai's birthday and Kevin made the arrangements for her party and baked and decorated not only one but two cakes. Seriously, this was so adorable.

3. Don't call me on my day off to fix the website then give me attitude when I call back to verify that the site is up on your end. I was sleeping when you called as it was my day off and did not give you attitude, so return the favor.

Do They Know They're Insulting

I'm going to make a confession: I'm proud of my accomplishments. Yes, I even have an ego over some of the things I've managed to achieve in my limited years and I feel I should be allowed this self-indulgence because rarely do I rub it in anyone's face unless provoked or if I'm joking. One of my many pet peeves is when people question my work ethic or knowledge. I'll readily admit when I don't know something and am always willing to ask for help.

Yet, one of my colleagues once asked me what experience I had to get the job since this particular individual had been doing their own family research for twenty odd years. I, of course, responded with my vitae of accomplishments, which includes managing an entire collection and two satellite centers, thank you very much!

Then yesterday, I had an individual who asked about my entry level position. I didn't want to insult the person but felt the need to mention that my position requires a masters degree and several years of experience. The person followed this up by saying, they didn't mean to sound rude, but what experience did I have. As my other colleague can attest, this was all said in a somewhat astounded tone. My response of course was the "I managed an entire collection for a few years to gain experience."

A part of me wants to believe these people truly don't realize how insulting they are, but admits that yes, they do. They qualify their statements in hopes of disarming and then follow through with their insult. It's all rather annoying. But I have to admit, I love rubbing people's faces in my accomplishments because I do try to be humble under normal conditions.

Don't Ever Eat At ...

I have received bad service at Toscani's on numerous occasions. I would quit going for a few months and then someone would convince me to give it another try and within a few weeks, I'd have another appalling experience. But this time, I swear, I will never ever give business to this restaurant, nor will I recommend it to anyone who stops by the desk. For the Librarian Lunch during Ancestry Day, we'd ordered an estimated $500 lunch order to be delivered at noon. At 12:10, I called and was told they were packing our order. The restaurant is practically across the street from our building, so imagine my shock when the delivery guy arrived at 12:25, for a lunch that ended at 12:45. As he unpacked the food, he gave me attitude when I commented on him being late. Then he discovered that they hadn't placed the lids properly on the salad dressing, which leaked everywhere. As he delivered the food into our meeting room, his cell phone went off with a lovely diddy, "f* this, f* that." Since no one else commented on it, I'm hoping no one else heard it. As we started to serve the meal, we discovered they had not catered salad tonges or spoons for the dressing and provided a limited number of plates. I can't tell you how professional I felt, talking to some of the attendees, scarfing down my pizza off a napkin, since I had less than 10 minutes to eat my food after delivering half the order upstairs to another group. So I can safely say, I will never use this restaurant again. They are unprofessional, lack customer service, and irresponsible. And thank you for making yourselves look bad in front of a group of researchers, or should I say tourists, who will not frequent your establishment in the future.

Professionalism

I've always been careful on this blog to not write anything that may make me or my colleagues look bad. I try to avoid discussing work too much or my customers because I feel I shouldn't make such comments to you unless we're good friends and I feel I can trust you. But I had a situation this week that has me wanting to post and ask for your opinions.

With all the media blitz going on recently, I knew there would be those who are overcritical, who would analyze my every move and feel the need to express their opinion. Apparently, a customer saw my PBS interview and remarked that I nod my head a lot when I agree with something being said and that I looked like a bobble head. And if that wasn't enough of an affront, the worst part was that my colleague felt the need to repeat this to me and other coworkers. Now if this was the first, second, third, heck, even fifth time, this particular colleague has openly criticized me, I would be commended for my restraint, but it wasn't. Along those lines, my other coworkers question if this conversation with the customer actually took place as repeated or if our colleague is embellishing in order to criticize.

Either way, I feel it was malicious, especially given that another customer had made a derogatory comment about this particular colleague this weekend. I immediately defended my colleague and asked the customer not to make such comments in the future. Whether I agreed with the customer or not, I felt it was imperative that I defend my colleague, hence defend our department. Apparently, my colleague doesn't feel the same based on previous interactions.

I've tried to shrug the whole thing off, but find I can't. This has happened repeatedly and I feel I should have been defended and the bobble head comment shouldn't have been spread about to our coworkers. It's rude and malicious. Here is my somewhat professional response to the situation since I can't repeat the other stuff taking place in my head ... Until you've been in front of a camera, answering questions while live, I honestly, could care less for your opinion. And for those who care to repeat rude comments, recall those same statements could be made about you. I looked good, sounded professional, and appeared interested in the dialog. Could the same be said about you on any given day? I will maintain my professionalism and not openly criticize you to customers, but will continue to defend you, knowing that my personal opinion might differ because in the end, I am a competent professional who doesn't need to be malicious to get through my day.

The Timing of It All

This weekend, I realized my priorities and idea of time are quite different from other people's ideas. For instance, I had plans to attend a formal dinner after picking up my car the other night. So I got dressed and was ready to go, while hubby was relaxed though he needed to drive me to the dealership. He even found time to write out some bills. while I rushed around. We headed out the door and I asked him if he had everything he needed. He said he wasn't sure since I had rushed him out the door. Once in the car, I asked if he had his phone on him in case my car wasn't truly finished. He said no, cause he was rushed out the door. I asked if he had his wallet. He said barely as he was rushed out the door. At which point, my temper snapped, yet he had time to write out bills. Where were his priorities?

Once we got to the dealership, the man took his time explaining to me the work done on my car. Mind you, they had my car from 10:00-5:30. Plenty of time! I asked about my wiper blades and the guy told me they were fine. I asked if they'd been replaced. No, they didn't need replaced, was his response. What? They were shredded so bad, they were falling off. He patronized me, asking if I was confused over the windshield damage they had to fix. No, I know the difference between the windshield and blades. He said they could fix it now. I told him, I was on my way to a dinner and he said, they could do it in 3 minutes flat. When I made my way out to the car, 5 minutes later, two men were wrestling with the blades. Checklist, anyone?

Later in the weekend, we had friends over for pizza and movie night. It was planned down to the minute. Pizza ordered at 7:20, 45 minute delivery estimate, delivered by 8:05. Wait, the pizza was actually delivered at 7:40, though people wouldn't arrive until 8:00. How is that a 45 minute wait?

Thankfully, everything went smoothly with my weekend plans, though I do question how other people think.

Just Deal With It

FYI...this is a personal post.

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my hysterectomy. I struggled for almost a year with the decision of whether I should go forward with this surgery. A year later, I can truly say, it was a wise decision. At the time, I was dealing with a medical condition that seemed to worsen every month, a condition that forced my body to shun healthy cells and harbor diseased cells, and I had the dreaded c word looming in my horizon. I tried several treatments, hoping to extend my child bearing years, but finally had to accept it was not to be. I'm grateful that I underwent the hysterectomy since they discovered a massive amount of precancerous cells that had invaded my organs. The major drawback to the surgery was my bladder was accidentely knicked or punctured. The three specialists on my case have used either term.

My wound has healed, but has caused another condition to develop. I already suffered from an overactive bladder. Not an extreme one, just one that made car trips uncomfortable at times. Apparently aggravating the bladder with an injury similar to mine can cause someone in their thirties to develop conditions they would have experienced in their fifties or sixties. I've had every test under the sun done on my bladder, kidney, and renal functions. Trust me, I can tell you the inner workings of my system and where the breakdown occurs, down to the milliliters. Today was my six month evaluation concerning this condition, following two failed attempts with medications. The doc and I had an honest discussion that I knew was coming, yet I walked away near tears. There is nothing that can be done at this point. My body will not adapt to the meds and continues to have its meltdowns. In a few years, as the condition worsens, which it will, we can look at a surgical procedure that is available, but it would only relieve my symptoms back to my current condition.

So though I was prepared for the appointment today, I feel a major loss. I can continue on with my life, which is a blessing, considering the prospects I faced last year on this date, but I will never be the same. I have to continuously be cautious of my condition and manage it as best as I can, which I will. Eventually, I will fully adapt and this will become a routine portion of my life. It's a difficult prospect for someone who was once told, you'll always battle exhaustion or you'll have to be more mindful of your health. After hearing all that diatribe when I was a teenager and overcoming it, I feel frustrated to finally be truly bogged down with something.

On the plus side, I'm cancer free, the medical condition I faced a year ago is permanently gone, and after leaving the docs, I stopped for a coconut mocha frappucino at Starbucks. I'm determined to stay positive!

Aging Gracefully

This year marks a milestone for birthdays. I know some of you think I'm ridiculous, but it's true. I turn 35 this year and with it, comes expectations. I expected to be set in my career, happily married, have at least one child, stability, a home, and all around finally feeling settled into my life. Of course, life likes to show us that we have no control. I have actually met most of my expectations, but of course, I've also altered my perceptions on what I expect from my life. I'm more flexible than the expectations that I created in my 20s. But every once in a while, I turn reflective and thinking about my birthday, which is a few more months away, brings it all to the forefront. This thought process began because Michelle got her plane tickets to fly up to celebrate my 35th. Isn't that sweet of her? And Becky, Erin, and I have been finalizing our plans for a party weekend in Chicago with Michelle. They're all such great friends!

So now my thoughts have turned towards vanity this week. I've learned to accept that no matter how much I workout, certain body parts will never look the same again. I've tried to accept the lines that are appearing on my face, but don't deny I'm a moisturizer fanatic. Long ago, thanks to my genes, I've adapted to the grays that like to streak and chunk my hair. I've adapted. But last night, another aging factor was pointed out to me. I was having my eyebrows waxed and the technician was kind enough to point out that mine are thinning in places or should we say, balding in places. Of course, there is a fix for this. Yes, I was aware, but didn't need the reminder.

I hope to age gracefully. I think I'm doing better than a lot of women. I didn't rant at my 30th birthday, I celebrated it and acknowledged all the accomplishments that made it better than my 21st. I know part of my issue this year has to do with my health issues, which do make me feel older than I am, but I refuse to let them get me down. So here's to aging gracefully and silently cursing those who point out our flaws.

Timing

As I wrote my last blog post, I was suffering from what amounted to a week long headache. I just assumed it was our crazy weather, which went from the 40s to 80s to 60s. But then I went into full migraine mode. Not your garden variety migraine but one that lasted almost 24 hours and had me debating a visit to the ER for one of those pain shots. I literally dragged myself into work the next two days though I still was suffering from the remnant effects of the migraine, you know the lovely throbbing headache, dizziness, and waves of nausea. Such a joy! My colleague, Steve, was kind enough to say, he honestly didn't know if I was going to make it. Which we all know, I did push my way through the work day.

I began to question the timing of these headaches. They had started a week before and all my pain and pressure was in my sinus cavity area, but I felt absolutely dry. I read up on my new medication and discovered headache is the 4th listed side effect and some patients end up with dry throat and dry sinuses. This put the brakes on for me. I've had four, yes, four sinus surgeries. I can't fly without doing a full regiment of meds and inhalers to insure my sinuses don't dry out. My experience with the flu this year was exacerbated by dried sinuses. I'm not allowed to have dry sinuses because of my sinusitis condition. So I immediately quit taking my meds. The first day, I felt better and the second day, I'm amazingly almost normal.

At this moment, I'm planning a break from the meds. The UI will of course worsen, but I've been sick for a month now thanks to side effects. So that's my rant for the day!

Yucky Side Effects

Since so few people read me, I can discuss my yucky stuff that people have asked about, but I've avoided answering at times. As most of you know, I had a hysterectomy nearly a year ago. When you go in for surgery, the docs like to list the gazillion things that could go wrong or conditions that could develop post-op. It's always a joy. What's more fun, is when you actually do develop three out of the gazillion possible conditions. This is what happened to me two months into my recovery. One of the conditions (UB) really doesn't effect me, whereas another one (VB) can flare up and cause some problems periodically. At my last treatment, I was 90% healed. Yes, not only do I get to suffer the conditions, but also their "fun" treatments. The treatment for VB is rather unpleasant and I'm hoping to be 100% cured quickly.

The final condition, we'll call UI. It has been the bane of my existence. Apparently some women just develop this condition, which can readily be treated with meds. So I tried med #1, which was supposed to be the best on the market. It takes three months for the med to kick in, but I immediately developed an uncomfortable side effect. The meds never fully worked and the side effect got so bad I was taking OTC meds daily for the side effect. Then the meds gave out and I was fully symptomatic, plus I was wretchedly sick from the side effect that even OTC medicine no longer helped.

Now we're on med # 2. Some of the same side effects, but they haven't escalated yet, but I've developed some new ones as well, such as hot flashes. Joy! I would like to experience menopause when the time is right, which isn't now. But, wait for it, my condition still hasn't abated.

Now, how bad is the UI? Is it worth all this trouble? Yes! The UI effects my daily life and stress can increase my symptoms. I enjoy the vicious cycle of having a flare up, getting stressed over the flare up, and then getting worse with no reprieve in sight. My favorite aspect of my job is giving tours or presentations, but I go fully symptomatic due to the stress involved in these activities. I've learned to plan and revolve my life, as best as I can, around the UI, but obviously it still dominates my life.

So at this point, I have an evaluation in May to see where we're at, which is no where in my opinion. I think we need to try another medication, which means another round of side effects. I no longer chuckle when I see those commercials that list the hundreds of possible side effects to a prescription drug, since I'm now one of those experiencing the pain of it.

P.S. To add to this discussion, we have two groups in today and we've been running 3-4 deep in line at the desk. I've struggled with what to do. When I'm in the middle of a question and can't retract, plus there are people waiting, but I have to leave the desk to "take care of personal things," I end up staying at the desk which physically hurts me along with causing an "episode." I'm not sure how to best handle the situation. It's hard to walk away in these situations much less pull away from the customer. Today's example, I was literally trapped at the desk for 1.5 hours, so there was no way I could wait it out. And this is the beginning of group season where this situation will keep happening. And I wonder why I'm frustrated.

People and Their Opinions

On the radio this morning, people were calling in to comment on the fact that the radio personality's fiance went on vacation without him. Now mind you, I am a strongly opinionated individual myself, but I found some people's commentary ridiculous considering they didn't know all the facts. Most people calling in said the relationship was doomed since the couple wasn't taking vacations together and that they wouldn't last long. Hubby and I have been together (dating and all) for nine years and as those of you who read my blog know, I go on many vacations without him.

Are we doomed as a couple? I think not. I love to travel, but hubby does not. Instead of demanding I give up something I love doing, hubby supports my traveling with my friends. He always gets first dibs when I plan a vacation, but as soon as he says he's not interested, I'm off to discover who among my pals would like to see the latest exotic or non-exotic locale.

I personally have a unique situation in my marriage and get tired of hearing the running commentary sometimes. I know many people think hubby and I are insane to live the way we do, but really what choice do we have. Yes, it's not ideal, but we make the best of our circumstances. So before spouting your opinion on other people's relationships, maybe you should take a moment and realize ... to each, his/ her own.

Things That Irked Me This Week

This week has been rough and I feel the need to vent, so here is a constructive way for me to accomplish the deed. Hopefully one of you will be able to help me see the humor in these situations.

Dear Docs,

I know people can develop conditions following surgical procedures. When I ask my questions, it's not because I'm planning a malpractice complaint, but because I seriously want to be fixed. I don't care how. Just fix me! I'm tired of hearing how one in so many women develop a or b or c. I've accepted the fact, the odds are in favor of me developing the condition. Get me results!

Dear Turbo Tax,

If you knew back in October of a glitch that somehow causes a problem with e-file, shouldn't you have fixed it before I tried to file my taxes this weekend. It was scary to receive a notice that the IRS has received tax forms with my duplicate social. But then my emotions turned to anger when I discovered this was a glitch in your system that has been around for 6 months. Thanks for insuring tax season was a bigger headache and making me question using your product next year.

Dear Apartment Complex,

I've been frustrated with you for doing nothing about my nightmare neighbors, taking months to get the workout equipment fixed, and doing a lousy job clearing the sidewalks, but this week, you've pushed me too far. If I didn't feel as if other complexes didn't meet my needs, I'd pack up and move. I received a lovely notice from you that if any dog excrement was found in front of my patio, I would be fined. Let's look at the facts, a) my prissy dog won't complete his business in front of my patio since it's basically a swampland, b) other dogs don't have this issue, c) I pick up after my dog all the time, and d) this is the same week that I fell on the icy sidewalk that you didn't clear while throwing my dog's baggie in the trash and tore my triceps muscle. So try to fine me for someone else's mess.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Some Good News

I had a mini-procedure this week, so the docs could humiliate me a little further, sorry, I mean, run seven tests at one time. Seriously, the tests were truly embarrassing. The doc sat Becky and I down to explain what they found and didn't find. The good news is the site of my injury during the last surgery looks beautiful. Everything has healed nicely, hence that is not causing my current symptoms.

The doc gave an ambiguous diagnosis. My "organ" is overly sensitive and overreacting from the trauma it suffered during the injury. They could actually see this on my test, but they feel it's rather minuscule. As someone who deals with it daily, I don't feel it's minuscule, but okay. The doc believes with time and natural healing, the organ will normal out. Of course, there is a surgery they can do to make everything better, but I would prefer not to go through it. Also, I can do stuff to help it along, like take meds everyday and remove caffeine from my diet.

What? Caffeine is my addiction that helps me through the everyday. I have given up caffeine products, like coffee and soda, before for Lent, but knowing 6 weeks was my goal didn't make the cravings stop. How can I do it for an indeterminate amount of time? I know it's not forever, but they don't know how long it will take for my symptoms to improve.

So far this week, I have not stopped for my morning coffee. Yes, I can feel it. I have kept my soda intake to two a day. Hopefully, I can cut one of those out this coming week. So, some good news and some bad news. And some seriously bad news for those who have to interact with me, sans caffeine.

Crankiness

Just to make it clear, I underwent surgery 14 weeks ago. I should be on the road to recovery and enjoying my new outlook on life. But during my 10th week, I developed a whole new symptom that was rather unpleasant and effects everyday living. After seeing two different doctors and taking meds, etc, they were sure they knew what was wrong and of course, it had nothing to do with the accident that happened during my surgery. Imagine my surprise today to learn, I have to now undergo further testing because my symptoms seem to be related to the injury I sustained during the previous surgery. I'm a little put out because I had willingly accepted the previous diagnosis and was going along with the doc's recommendations, only to discover we may be on the wrong path. In a few weeks, I'll go through another "minor" procedure that will tell us which diagnosis is applicable. The worst part is both issues require corrective surgery. Didn't I already go through all this, the symptoms, tests, meds, procedures, and finally surgery. It feels vaguely familiar. At this point, I'm counting down to the end of the year.