Just Deal With It

FYI...this is a personal post.

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my hysterectomy. I struggled for almost a year with the decision of whether I should go forward with this surgery. A year later, I can truly say, it was a wise decision. At the time, I was dealing with a medical condition that seemed to worsen every month, a condition that forced my body to shun healthy cells and harbor diseased cells, and I had the dreaded c word looming in my horizon. I tried several treatments, hoping to extend my child bearing years, but finally had to accept it was not to be. I'm grateful that I underwent the hysterectomy since they discovered a massive amount of precancerous cells that had invaded my organs. The major drawback to the surgery was my bladder was accidentely knicked or punctured. The three specialists on my case have used either term.

My wound has healed, but has caused another condition to develop. I already suffered from an overactive bladder. Not an extreme one, just one that made car trips uncomfortable at times. Apparently aggravating the bladder with an injury similar to mine can cause someone in their thirties to develop conditions they would have experienced in their fifties or sixties. I've had every test under the sun done on my bladder, kidney, and renal functions. Trust me, I can tell you the inner workings of my system and where the breakdown occurs, down to the milliliters. Today was my six month evaluation concerning this condition, following two failed attempts with medications. The doc and I had an honest discussion that I knew was coming, yet I walked away near tears. There is nothing that can be done at this point. My body will not adapt to the meds and continues to have its meltdowns. In a few years, as the condition worsens, which it will, we can look at a surgical procedure that is available, but it would only relieve my symptoms back to my current condition.

So though I was prepared for the appointment today, I feel a major loss. I can continue on with my life, which is a blessing, considering the prospects I faced last year on this date, but I will never be the same. I have to continuously be cautious of my condition and manage it as best as I can, which I will. Eventually, I will fully adapt and this will become a routine portion of my life. It's a difficult prospect for someone who was once told, you'll always battle exhaustion or you'll have to be more mindful of your health. After hearing all that diatribe when I was a teenager and overcoming it, I feel frustrated to finally be truly bogged down with something.

On the plus side, I'm cancer free, the medical condition I faced a year ago is permanently gone, and after leaving the docs, I stopped for a coconut mocha frappucino at Starbucks. I'm determined to stay positive!