Goals and Expectations

My colleagues are definitely giving me fodder this week. I was speaking with another colleague concerning the person's son's decisions involving marriage, having children, and switching careers midstream. I recognized these concerns because my parents had them over ten years ago as well. I truly believe there is a generational issue involved. My parent's and my colleague's generation married straight out of college and began their career path with the idea of a home and 2.5 kids within a certain amount of years. Their generation didn't expect to change jobs, much less careers, and many still felt marriage was the end goal in relationships. My generation is more fluid. I'm on my second career and my third employer within that career. I spent my early twenties completely lost and unsure, but going forward with "the plan." You know "the plan," to settle into a career, get married, etc., basically what I saw my parents do.

The problem is I followed "the plan." I had my bachelors in an industry that didn't appeal to me. I had debated changing majors in college, but my father repeatedly pointed out that I would never find real employment with those other degrees. The problem I ran into after graduation was I couldn't find real employment with my job-guaranteed degree. I got married and actually did plan to have children with the ex. I craved to have the security I felt in childhood.

After my divorce and its subsequent issues, I realized I couldn't live "the plan," not in this day and age. It didn't work for me. No employer was going to keep me permanently, much less I wouldn't be happy in the same job that I began when I was 22 because I didn't know myself then. I saw relationships come and go and knew that people changed over time and unless both people worked at the relationship, it was doomed to fail. No relationship survives laziness. I struggled to find myself and see what I had to offer myself, an employer, a significant other, or my children.

I think many in my generation feel this way. Don't get me wrong, I know not everyone falls into the same category and I'm generalizing here, but many of us have seen our parents suffer the recession in the 1980s, divorce, blended families, and jobs outsourced or eliminated. We've learned nothing in life is guaranteed. So we can't say where we'll be five, ten, or twenty years from now. We can only say what our current goals and expectations are and move forward, but we understand life may come along and alter those.

I have accepted my unconventional life. People say I'll change my mind about not having children. My response, "If you say so." People are shocked to discover I'm in a long-distance marriage and try to find a solution for us. My response, "We're making the best of the situation and have discovered a happy medium that most never find." Hubby had people question him marrying me since I was on my second marriage in my 20s. My current response, "We are celebrating a decade together this year." My parents questioned me leaving my management career to go back to library school. My current response, "An amazing career choice that has led me down some interesting paths and has given me more confidence in myself." People thought I was crazy to leave my family, friends, and a great career to move to the middle of Indiana and a part of me, at the time, agreed. My response now, "The best decision I've ever made besides marrying hubby."

So don't worry about your crazy kids making those crazy decisions. You never know where it might lead them.