Everywhere I've turned recently there are babies everywhere. Our refrigerator is covered in photos of our nieces and nephew, Cheryl's A & Z, and Catherine's D. I'm missing Sara's B, Jen's C, and Erin's I (hint, hint). I spent time this weekend with Catherine's D (the pic of hubby in the previous post) and last night I finally met Erin's I(the pics are from my phone), who stole my heart. Isn't he adorable?Which raises the question of what happened at the doctors last week? I sat with the doctor explaining to him
I had chosen the surgery that would prevent me from having children and I was 99% sure and okay with this decision, when my heart tripped. As we continued talking, the doc asked me further questions about my hesitation and at one point even tapped me on the nose, nearly making me cry. I couldn't explain why I was so upset. I was positive of my decision and knew it was for the best, but something was choking me. The doc offered to postpone scheduling the surgery as he read through my files from my previous doc. As we continued talking I felt this fear that I was making a mistake which made no sense...I don't want kids of my own. I love being the auntie and all it entails. The doc had a solution, which I latched onto as a lifeline. We are going with a new fourth alternative. We'll schedule a little minor consultation at the docs and receive a slight chance at 5 years of symptom reprieve and more time to settle into my decision. There are no guarantees, we'll know in 6 months if it worked, but I was glad for the option. I still can't explain what came over me, but I couldn't give up the chance.
4 comments:
You know, my James and I never really made the decision to have children. Sure, we knew we wanted them, but the big question was, when? One week we wanted to wait 5 years, the other week we wanted to try right away, there was even a time when we wanted to just adopt 15 or so years down the road. It was very nice to have that decision made for us ("well, here we go!").
The point of my comment is decisions are very hard to make and you are not alone and I do not envy you.
All I want to say is that just because the solution is not the one you anticipated, does not mean it is not the right solution for you. I am glad the doctor was able to give you another option. Everything is gonna be alright!
Happy New Years!!! Look at the Blue Moon tonight
Touched by all you are going through. I'm here for you if you want to talk.
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