Holiday of Misdeliveries

This holiday arrived sooner than expected and brought with it a comedy of errors.

I spent every evening for a solid week searching for a spirograph set for my niece, before finally accepting that the stores in town were completely sold out. Admitting defeat, I bought a set online for an exorbitant fee. In the meantime I found gifts for both my dad and Mich, which I carefully wrapped and in Mich's case, included little notes since there were specific memories attached to each of her gifts. When I went to mail their packages, I suffered from sticker-shock when I was quoted $45 each to guarantee a Christmas delivery (this did not include the extra fees). I wisely decided not to choose that option since the gifts apparently would not have arrived on time, and actually have yet to arrive as of this writing.

 

In another humorous event, gifts that were sent to me ended up in Brooklyn due to a snafu in completing the address field. Apparently my house number is a zip code in Brooklyn.

This is perfectly reasonable since my card to mom was returned to sender because I failed to complete her address on the envelope. During our Christmas morning phone call, I was questioned why everyone else received a card and not my mom.

I'm assuming the shortage of cards we received this year is due to the same reason I'm still waiting for my Aunt Patty's card. Patty sent me a message that her card was returned because she sent it to my old address so she needed my new one. Of course, I received this message more than a week after I had sent her a card so obviously it takes more than seven days to send a simple card when I could have driven it there in seven hours.

Then the gifts that did arrive on time had their own issues. Dad called a few days before Christmas to tell me that some of my gifts had arrived. He then asked me about my niece's jewelry which raised a red flag for me: How did he know I had sent her jewelry? After interrogating him, I discovered that though I had paid Amazon to wrap the gifts and added a holiday message, the detailed receipt for the items was inside the shipping box. 

Then there were the personal deliveries. I was brave and bought one of James' gifts after work on Christmas Eve Eve. Deciding to keep it hidden in my car, I was in a panic the next morning as I prepared to leave for an early appointment and faced the possibility that James would discover the gift. Because I was braving the mall on Christmas Eve, James asked me to pick him up after my appointment so he could go with me. As James took Bartle into the backyard, I frantically moved the awkwardly large and heavy gift from my car to my office. Of course, I smashed the box into the door knob, puncturing a lovely hole into the box and forcing the object back into me. Amazingly enough, he was none the wiser, though he did ask about the hole when I waddled the box into the living room on Christmas morning.

Becky, Erin, and I typically exchange gifts during Becky's birthday dinner, which was canceled this year following the snow storm. Becky and I eventually exchanged gifts when we saw The Hobbit, surprisingly enough, on Becky's birthday. Erin has been balancing car trouble, holiday demands, sick children, and her own ailment, so we never found the time to connect and exchange gifts even though we work in departments that are next to each other. Finally on New Year's Eve, Erin and I were able to exchange gifts.

Though I'm still waiting on three packages to be delivered, the family calendar, and have been told that a multitude of cards are still in-the-mail, I would say this holiday will go down in history as the holiday of misdeliveries.

The Bathroom List

Aisha and I recently had a discussion concerning the fact I have a bathroom list. This list helps me recall some crazy adventures because they are forever marked in my memory thanks to the association.

The Interesting Ones

H&G - My department in Florida was History & Genealogy but our bathroom became known as Hump & Grind after some services were performed by a library page.

Traxx - My first over-18 club in Ybor. Since the majority of the clientele was gay and it offered one of the best transvestite shows, all the restrooms were unisex. It was a real eye-opener for me.

Mallory Hall - One would think living in an all-girls dorm would not be adventurous, but the bathroom escapades were legendary.

Milford Outhouse - 4 days of hiking with periodic outhouses available and a law against using nature while altering between marshes and glacier-tipped mountains, which required many layers of clothing. I highly advise stripping off the long johns out on the trail rather than trying it in the outhouse.

HATM - My favorite place with my Florida friends. The signs read "sit 2 p" and "stand 2 p."

The Odd Bathrooms

Aisha's pic

The orange bathroom - Aisha posted this pic of the bathroom at her new library, which spawned this discussion. I first viewed the pic while Dawne, Delia, and I were about to leave our hotel room for Librarian's Day in Alabama.

The blue bathroom - This was in a jazz club in Ybor one night when Mich and I were trying to find some good music. The light was blue along with everything else.

The silver bathroom - This was at Coyote Ugly in Ybor with Mich when we kept returning for $1 shots. The walls and floors looked like the silver patterned material used in the bed of a truck.

Birmingham "get cozy" bathroom - Hanging out with Mich, Alyssa, and Kris after the AL vs. MI game. The sinks were in an alcove/ back area of the bar and instead of opening the door to a urinal plus a stall with a toilet, the gals opened the door to a toilet with the toilet stall further back hence "get cozy" with your girlfriends.

Maine fort bathroom - After a lengthy drive and no rest areas, we arrived at the fort which was closed, the restaurant which was closed, and the museum which was closed. Though the women's room door was locked, the men's was open. This is the most disgusting restroom ever for me which is saying something considering how many outhouses and port-o-potties I have visited while hiking.

Anyone care to share?

Woman on Top

My grandparents regularly remark that I am the man in my relationship or that I wear the pants in our family. I dislike these comments, but shrug them off since my grandparents are from a generation and a set of circumstances where women are viewed as secondary to men. Little did I know, many people today still view women as the "partner" or "spouse" in the marriage rather than as an equal to her husband or heaven-forbid, as the primary decision-maker.

When hubby and I applied for our mortgage, I completed the forms as the borrower and hubby as the co-borrower. My thought process included the fact that I would be the primary resident and would want full access to the account; and the fact that I could complete the financial questions relating to me easier than the ones pertaining to hubby. Imagine my surprise when we received the documentation from the bank and hubby was listed as the borrower and me as the co-borrower. I let it slide, but had a good chuckle.

When we met with the loan officer, we were handed paperwork which she had pre-filled for us. After reviewing the documents, I returned the IRS form to her, stating that she would need to switch the names on the document. She had completed the form with hubby as the primary individual on our tax returns, which is not the case. In all honesty, hubby is not good with "finances." He can save and save and save, but anything relating to interest rates and taxes seems to be a foreign language to him. We had to pay extra in taxes for years due to the fact hubby didn't know there was a difference in tax rates based on how he marked his marital status among other things which will remain unspoken. This led to me taking charge of negotiating our financial deals and completing our taxes. The loan officer informed us that it is rare for the wife to be first on the taxes or the mortgage documents, etc. etc.

Yesterday, we opened our appraisal and I stress the word, "opened," because it was addressed only to hubby, so I had placed it with his mail for him to look at when he came home for the weekend. I was rather surprised when hubby brought me the legal-size envelope and said it had paperwork about the house. Hubby has not "read" any of the other documents concerning the house since I have been the one haggling with everyone before handing him documents to sign, so he didn't know what was being explained in the papers.

I found this interesting since I thought we lived in a society based on equality rather than a patriarchal society, but maybe I am wrong. We are asked on a regular basis for our marital status, whether we're a Miss or Mrs. I personally avoid these questions and when forced to answer, I state I'm a Ms. I am not defined by my marital status. Yes, it is wonderful to have an amazing spouse to share in my life, but I am not his follower or secondary. I'm curious if others have experienced this as well or if hubby and I are odd to have me as the primary on our financials. Either way, this wife enjoys being the woman on top!

Awkward ...

For some reason, I continuously find myself in awkward moments. I wish I had the knowledge of how to extricate myself in these circumstances, but instead my typical reaction is to turn beet red or stammer. Now don't get me wrong, if it is a situation where I could care less about the other person's opinion, I'm a force of nature. It is those moments when I actually care what people think that I lack finesse.

At a recent meeting, I mentioned that I knew of a local band we could hire for an event. I was asked if I meant Tested on Animals. The look on my boss' face was classic. I'm sure he didn't know what to think at that comment. As much as I enjoy listening to Shane belt out a cover of the Toadies' Possum Kingdom, I can't see the group enjoying this song about death. I tried to shake off my embarrassment and respond, but I was then asked if I meant Erin's sister's band. I finally managed to respond that I had been debating Good Night Gracie, which thankfully someone else in the meeting had seen perform. The reason I felt uncomfortable besides the fact that one of my favorite local bands has an atrocious name and a hard-core rocker image in town, but that this was a professional meeting with colleagues who don't know me as well. I didn't want the group-at-large to view me as some bar-hopping kiddo. I wanted to be viewed in a professional light, though among the local people at the table, I had the most night-life experience.

If I wasn't red-faced by then, the next part of the conversation had me wincing. A comment was made about late nights at conferences. Somehow the conversation turned to the most recent conference and about some people lacking sleep or being out late. One of my recent roommates mentioned how all three of us who shared our room had been prepared for bed well before 10:00 pm on more than one occasion. My boss chimed in mentioning the one exception when I had been out late...barhopping. I responded back that I had not been barhopping, but rather I visited one bar in Cincinnati.

Awkward much? I was trying to come across as professional, yet people were commenting on my late night behavior, which is quite hilarious. Yes, I had one late night last week. And yes, I do love to go out dancing or to see local bands. But since my diagnosis, I have rarely been out late and I definitely don't enjoy alcoholic drinks anymore. It's funny how some people still view me as the party girl, especially as Becky, Erin, and I recently discussed the fact that our recent "late nights" have involved movie nights and game nights rather than the bar scene.

I Am a Planner

I love to plan and organize things as far in advance as possible. I have lived out of my day planner my entire adult life. I thrive on have my coming weeks mapped out so I can look forward to certain events or prepare myself for others. Once I make plans with someone to go somewhere, I like to know where we're going, when, and other details. I know this stems from my desperate need to control my environs. I recognize that it is impossible to control everything, but I can dominate my schedule into submission. When things are disorganized, I become rather uncomfortable.

When Mich and I traveled to New England this past fall, we decided to plan sections of our trip, but not to finalize a lot of decisions, so we could alter as needed. This worked out well since we had lots of misadventures thanks to the unplanned excursions, plus we added more days at Acadia, which is now my second favorite vacation spot. At the same time, not planning ahead when Mich and I visited Chicago led to us missing out on the Harry Potter display which was one of the main reasons for our visit. Don’t get me wrong, we had a blast on our trip, but I still regret missing the exhibit.

My desire to plan ahead is a running joke among my friends. They know if we want to go somewhere or do something that I'll research and coordinate the event. So imagine our surprise when we planned a recent movie night. Becky said she would check for movie times since I had a rather busy week, which led to us calling Erin to discuss our plans the night before our planned GNO. Erin remarked on her shock that I hadn't made arrangements earlier in the week. I usually buy opening weekend movie tickets ahead of time. She was worried something was wrong with the universe since I had actually passed the responsibility baton to Becky.

Currently, my schedule is in chaos. I have two conferences which require travel in the next two months, but certain details have not been finalized. I admit to feeling antsy over the big details, such as what day to leave, but am willing to wait to the last minute on planning out whether I'm carpooling, arrival times, or access to the hotel room. I can wait on those decisions, which is shocking for someone like me. Also, with the house hunt, we aren't sure of anything since everything is in the air, which is an uncomfortable place for me. Plus, with my mom being sick, I may need to make a trip to Florida in the coming months. So I am trying to tamp down my urge to plan and instead am focusing on one week at a time. It truly is amazing when you notice the changes in your own personality.

Mimicking Behavior

You've seen those people who look like their dogs or their spouses, well I don't look like B or James. Yet somehow, B has developed some of my oddities that are completely unexplainable. I understand when I'm upset that B becomes upset or depressed or excited. He's just mimicking my behavior, but things have become really strange recently. To begin with, I am an overly anxious person and B comes from a breed that suffers separation anxiety. When I went in for surgery, they damaged an unrelated organ resulting in further issues. So it shouldn't have been a surprise when B went in for surgery in January and I received a call at the midpoint that there were some extra problems discovered and they needed permission to extend his surgery. I have several anomalies where the doctor commented one in so many people have this or one in so many chance this will happen. Guaranteed, it will happen to me. Apparently, B falls into this same category. He had a tumor removed during his surgery in January. There was 5% chance of a regrowth of the tumor. Now, until he sees the vet, I'm unsure if it is another tumor or an infection, but either way, there is an anomaly. So, B does take after his human owner in a variety of ways.

Hubby Did Good

I have been lusting after this red winter coat all season. Everytime we go to the mall, I try the coat on, knowing due to the fit, I could only wear it with a few outfits and spying the price tag, I truly couldn't justify buying it. Hubby came home on Friday and announced he had visited the mall and my coat was on sale...80% off. I still hesitated. I've been so good at obeying the sign on my door to Not Spend Money! I have three vacations planned for this summer and fall and really need to save the money. I finally caved and agreed to go look at the coat to see if it had pulled threads or missing buttons to justify the reduction in price. Of course upon inspecting the coat and trying it on again, I was convinced I had to buy it. While standing at the register, hubby whipped out the credit card and paid for the coat. He said I had been so good about not spending money and had paid off my car this month, so it was his treat. For those who know how stingy hubby is with money, you know what a big deal it is that he bought me the coat for no reason except to be nice.

Yes, I'm Legal

Indiana has a new law that requires i.d. for all alcoholic purchases. It has been somewhat controversial since people in their 7th or 8th decade are being denied their beverages because they can't produce i.d. Dawne and I went to our regular lunching establishment, which has a bar in the main room. Before I ordered my meal and a Coke, the waitress asked for my i.d. Apparently, you have to be over 21 to be in the establishment thanks to the new law. I know its all rather annoying to others, but I like being carded.

Laverne & Shirley

I wasn't even involved in this conversation, so I may get some of it wrong, but I found it hilarious. As most of you know, Becky is my neighbor across the hall, my friend, and colleague. When I was wanting a smaller place, I requested her building so we could take advantage of running across the hall for a good cry, movie, tv show, or conversation. It has worked out wonderfully and we take advantage of being so close. Person X mentioned to Becky that they were selling their house and asked if she was interested. Person X used the argument that their neighbor may be selling their property as well, so I could buy it and we can remain neighbors. Wow! We have a reputation. So when the topic arose of one of us moving out of the building, Erin cried out, "No, you can't break up Laverne & Shirley."

For All You Twilight Lovers

Has anyone else seen this commercial? It cracks me up.



Source: You-Tube: Verizon "Vampire"

Clark Kent is Superman

I never bought the whole no one knew Clark Kent was Superman idea. Seriously, how naive are people that a pair of glasses threw off recognizing the guy. I can safely affirm that yes, a pair of glasses can alter an appearance significantly enough to make someone unrecognizable. Depending on how bad my allergies are, I have been switching off between wearing contacts and my glasses this past year and have run into the glasses as a disguise phenom.

Recently I helped a customer with a rather complicated question, where she found over 20 pages of documentation. I mean a seriously big find in genealogy research. She was really excited. The next day she came back to the desk to ask for help on something else and as I worked with her, I asked if we were still focusing on ancestors in Tennessee. She asked how I knew she was looking in Tennessee. I pointed out that I was the person who had helped her the night before. She told me I looked different. I was wearing my glasses.

When we ran into Mark and Peggy in NYC, Mark asked Peggy to introduce us since he hadn't met me before. I pointed out that we worked together for almost 6 years. I was wearing contacts. (Michelle pointed out that it's been 2 years and my hair is shorter and darker also)

Another instance involved another customer asking me why I was wearing someone else's name badge, which has my photo. I assured her it was mine. She said I looked nothing like the photo and that the person could be my mother in the photo. I once again stated it was my photo, just with glasses.

So apparently the Clark Kent disguise is a valid one that we need to remember to use if we want to go incognito.