Woman on Top

My grandparents regularly remark that I am the man in my relationship or that I wear the pants in our family. I dislike these comments, but shrug them off since my grandparents are from a generation and a set of circumstances where women are viewed as secondary to men. Little did I know, many people today still view women as the "partner" or "spouse" in the marriage rather than as an equal to her husband or heaven-forbid, as the primary decision-maker.

When hubby and I applied for our mortgage, I completed the forms as the borrower and hubby as the co-borrower. My thought process included the fact that I would be the primary resident and would want full access to the account; and the fact that I could complete the financial questions relating to me easier than the ones pertaining to hubby. Imagine my surprise when we received the documentation from the bank and hubby was listed as the borrower and me as the co-borrower. I let it slide, but had a good chuckle.

When we met with the loan officer, we were handed paperwork which she had pre-filled for us. After reviewing the documents, I returned the IRS form to her, stating that she would need to switch the names on the document. She had completed the form with hubby as the primary individual on our tax returns, which is not the case. In all honesty, hubby is not good with "finances." He can save and save and save, but anything relating to interest rates and taxes seems to be a foreign language to him. We had to pay extra in taxes for years due to the fact hubby didn't know there was a difference in tax rates based on how he marked his marital status among other things which will remain unspoken. This led to me taking charge of negotiating our financial deals and completing our taxes. The loan officer informed us that it is rare for the wife to be first on the taxes or the mortgage documents, etc. etc.

Yesterday, we opened our appraisal and I stress the word, "opened," because it was addressed only to hubby, so I had placed it with his mail for him to look at when he came home for the weekend. I was rather surprised when hubby brought me the legal-size envelope and said it had paperwork about the house. Hubby has not "read" any of the other documents concerning the house since I have been the one haggling with everyone before handing him documents to sign, so he didn't know what was being explained in the papers.

I found this interesting since I thought we lived in a society based on equality rather than a patriarchal society, but maybe I am wrong. We are asked on a regular basis for our marital status, whether we're a Miss or Mrs. I personally avoid these questions and when forced to answer, I state I'm a Ms. I am not defined by my marital status. Yes, it is wonderful to have an amazing spouse to share in my life, but I am not his follower or secondary. I'm curious if others have experienced this as well or if hubby and I are odd to have me as the primary on our financials. Either way, this wife enjoys being the woman on top!