I met my deadline! I finished my big project by February 14. Now to determine what to do? Since most know and there is no point in hiding what I have been working on, I might as well say my big project has been writing a book. I have finished an 80,000+ word manuscript.
I have some wonderful people who have offered to read over my work and critique it. I hesitate to send my work because I fear facing these same people after they have seen my words. I imagine them being embarrassed after reading what is in my head or thinking, how the hell does she think she can be a writer. These scenarios scare me every time I decide okay I'll send the first few chapters to so-and-so.
My original idea had been to have a group critique my work and then send query letters to some agents this spring. Now I cringe at the idea. How could I think I could face people reading my work? Maybe I should just keep it to myself. What if I am as bad as I am beginning to imagine? I know other creative people have these same fears, so I'm not alone.
I have another story I have already begun to write. The new one covers content I am more comfortable writing. I keep telling myself the second one will be better, so I should set the first one aside and focus on the second. The naive part of me believes the second story is better and I will fell more comfortable having people read it. Or is this another delay tactic on my part? It's hard to tell.
So at this time, I am torn between wanting to share my work that I have struggled through for the past year or letting my fears control me. Now I sound like one of my characters. If you know me at all, you know fear dominates most of my decisions. I either fear something and plow ahead to show I can or I let the fear take over. In both of my stories, the main character is facing a great fear. Art imitating life in my case.
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7 comments:
Your second book probably is better. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I just mean that with practice and experience you will continue to grow and improve. Hopefully your 30th book is 30 times better than your first. I still want to read it so I hope you do decide to send it out. I think the critical process is something that you need to face. But I sympathize with you as I could never imagine being as brave as you are to even try to write in the first place. You have no idea how much I admire you for your guts.
Melissa, I totally understand your fears, as I myself, despite my many years of living, am ruled by my fears. Very similar to your syndrome. However, the rational part of me says, to be an artist you must really be willing to put your "balls" out there. I think you should consider your first work a practice, and gain from what others say. HOWEVER, go with your gut feelings about the situation. After all, it IS your call.
They won't put you in prison or execute you for writing a bad book.
Adam- Shockingly, I think that is the nicest thing you've said.
I'm always nice.
No matter what you decide. I'm behind you 100 percent. Like Michelle said, I admire your guts!
All this talk of guts, well they'll be out there on display for everyone.
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