People ask me how I'm handling a particular rough situation. My feelings have been broiling over the situation and my handling of it, especially as J* turns 25 today. So I decided to share my feelings by sharing the letter I sent him. Mind you, it is deeply personal, but explains how I feel without me crying when someone asks.
J*,
How does it feel to be a quarterlifer? I know for myself, it was terrifying. My life was a mess and I thought I would never clean it up. I guess I was wrong and so are you. Yes, this is another plea on my part. I know you think I don't care and I've walked away, but that's not true. I wish everyday that you'll realize what an amazing life is waiting for you.
When I think of you, specific images come to mind. One of them being you helping me 10 years ago thru a rough time in my life. My 24th birthday was hard and you and J* took me to dinner and the concert, reminding me I had people to help me. Other images are you at my graduation, my 18th birthday, visiting me in college, going to the Homecoming game. The last image that I can't shake is you in Colorado. You weren't even 2 years old, but you wanted to be all grown up. You were taking a picture of your shadow with a squirt camera.
That boy breaks my heart. You have such potential and it's not too late to change the direction of your life.
I received a phone call 18 months ago where I was told, J* died of a drug overdose. They could have been talking about you. I never want to experience that pain. Please keep this letter for a while, knowing that I love you, think of you, and pray for you. If you find yourself wanting to make a change, I'll be here for you. I beg you to please ask * for help.
You have many more birthdays we can celebrate together. Live and become the man I know you can be. Know that someone still has faith in you.
As much as I act okay with everything, I still desperately want J* to get help. So that's my feelings on the situation.
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4 comments:
Beautiful letter--I hope he takes it to heart.
Hugs!
I think you're very brave to open yourself up to the hurt I know will come, but I also know that you couldn't do less than try. My hopes and prayers are with you, and him.
Darlin--This is a beautiful letter and I hope it hits home with him. But even if it doesn't, at least he (and you) know that you care for him. I know it is hard, but please remember that you are doing what you can to help him without letting him pull you down with him. I love you. -- Mich
If anything, it shows that someone is still caring for him and hoping that he will make the decision to help himself. . .
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