A New Chapter

Spoiler Alert: This is harsh!

Several people have mentioned that they miss my blog posts. I've also been told by at least four people that I need to return to my days of writing and not lose a key part of myself. So I feel the need to state that I have not given up on my writing. I have continued to write blog posts over the summer, but for good reasons none of them have been posted publicly.

I have been in a dark place this summer. Physically feeling unwell, numerous responsibilities and stresses, and several betrayals by people I trusted or respected have caused me to question myself and those around me. I discovered my writing had turned negative, ranting, and whiny, which are aspects of my personality that I truly do not like nor want to share with the world.

I am once again rediscovering me; the person I was, the person I am, and the person I want to be moving forward. This leads to a shifting in my focus. I am also on a journey of acceptance and a thorny path, one which nearly caused me to cut-off everybody in my life, until I vocalized the fears and distrust that had choked me this summer, and realized that I couldn't shut-out some exceptional people.

I have always been one who likes to periodically self-analyze to determine if I'm on the right path. It has taken major life events to trigger dramatic changes for me, but the analysis never stops. And though it may not seem like anything major happened this year, suffering through several emotional upheavals and betrayals has altered my landscape once again. This year, I have let life and other people control me, which is very much anti-me. This caused me to revert to self-preservation mode, which can be scary. I accept and admit, the bitch is back and she thanks everyone who reminded her of why she spent years being friendless because in the end, it's all about protecting oneself from being hurt.

That isn't to say I'm cutting everyone off. Far from it! I realized that the true and honest relationships I have, need to be cultivated and cherished more than I've given recently. And I'm truly sorry! There are those who have no idea how much their brief words of encouragement this summer have sustained me through some rough patches. But I have definitively drawn the line in the sand once again and plan to live the mantra, "fool me once..." and believe forgiveness is way overrated.

As for my writing, it has always been cathartic for me so I will once again begin publishing posts. And I promise they will be less intense than this one which I felt had to be written as an explanation for my silence. And for those who have asked, yes, I plan to find time to finish my rewrite on my last manuscript.

For those I trust and care about, I hope you will continue to read. Especially since several of you have asked me to share my writing once again. And to those who at any time encouraged me this summer, please do not be offended that I refused to lean on any offered shoulders, but take heart that your kind words may have been my saving grace. I recognize my fault in closing myself off from those around me, but truly at least once every few days, I was confronted with another drama-filled emotionally-draining situation and eventually didn't want to share. And finally, for those who have been patient with me and stuck around, thank you!