Having moved in the past year and establishing myself in another area with new people, it got me thinking about friendships. I have always found them very hard to maintain. Pre-email, letters and phone calls with old friends eventually faded away. When I moved this year, I thought it would be easy to maintain my friendships. With blogs, Flickr, e-mails, and phone calls; I could maintain steady communication. Plus my family still lives in the area, so I'm required to return for visits.
I have been sad to discover that as with previous decades, the influx of new technology does not help with maintaining communication. I guess for some, "out of sight, out of mind" is the motto. I understand this is the way it goes. I have been pleased to still "talk" to some friends. I even have two road trips planned with friends this summer. So, I guess there is a silver lining in moving away because those friendships have become more substantial, but it does make me sad to see the others fade away.
Starting new in town and in the workplace can be daunting. The cliques are already formed and especially in a town where people remember each other from high school. I have been very fortunate. The past few weeks, I've had a few "aaahhh" moments. I eat lunch every week with a group who have been friends for almost 30 years. They are a great group. I always have to ask questions when they tell their stories to determine which decade the situation occurred in. I was informed the other week, I was "one of us". And have started socializing with members of the group outside the group setting. I have also connected with another group of friends for girls night out as well.
I am acclimating to my new environs. I've discovered new friendships, while maintaining the former, more comfortable ones. So here's to friendship, past and present! And a heartfelt thanks to those who've put up with me through the years and those I'm getting to know now.
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A Writer's Blog with lots of fun thrown in.
About Me
- Melissa
- Genealogy Librarian who spends her free time as a struggling writer.
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6 comments:
"Make new friends but keep the old,
One is silver but the other's gold."
Traditional Girl Scout song
Unfortunately Melissa, this is something one discovers when one moves out of easy contact. I think, however, today is worse than it used to be. Everything gets the energy and attention of five minutes. When I first left NYC we basically wrote letters. That was time consumming, but people did it and enjoyed it. I kind of miss that. Anyway, now you know whom you can count on, and whom you can't.
Thanks Abby! I don't want to offend anyone, but I can't deny I am hurt. Hence why I wrote about it.
I know you have friends from your NY days still. I wish I could have those types of lengthy friendships. A part of me thinks that in this day and age that won't happen. Do you know, you and I have been friends for 7 years now? We met in June 2001.
What abby said is true although sometimes the friendship remains but has morphed into a different form. I think the same can be true even when you live nearby. I have a college friend that lives in the same county and we barely get to see each other once a year (if that)and it can be a bummer. But I do know that when we do get together we always fall into our easy, natural pattern of friendship. Details might be missing that you need to catch up on but being with that person feels like "comfort food", it gives me serenity and the knowledge that all I need to be around them is me, whoever that might be at the moment. Sometimes those little doses are enough to get me through until the next time. Not every time but most times.
No matter what, know that you have touched people and they are better for having known you no matter the length of time.
On the other hand, it is nice to have someone to dish with all the time :) Miss and Love you, Sonia
I didn't realize it had been seven years, but it's been seven years to the good. Friendships are one of the most important relationships in life, next to marriage and family. AND I do remember that song from brownies, the "make new friends" . . . song. Well you have Michelle with you now. That's where your energy should go.
My best friend, Chelle, and I have known each other since 1989 when we were freshmen in college. During that time, she moved to Valparaiso to finish her bachelor's degree, was back in Fort Wayne for a year, moved to St. Louis to get her master's degree, married Michael and settled in LaPorte, bought a house and moved to Kouts, divorced Michael and moved back to Valparaiso. So I think we've only actually lived in the same city for two years!
When she first moved to Valpo, I would write longgggggggggg letters (20-50 pages, handwritten, both sides) keeping her up-to-date on what was happening, sending quotes from books I'd read, etc. She doesn't write back as often or as long - writing is my thing, not hers - and I detest talking on the phone, but we have always remained close.
Valpo is admittedly closer than Florida, but it can be done! She tries to get down here a few times a year (she has family here as well) and I try to get up there at least a couple times a year, and we usually end up going to Chicago to see a play or visit a museum or something once a year or so. And we e-mail and send cards and I still also send letters (I can't help myself - it's like a tic).
It's not necessarily the quantity, though, it's the quality. We share stuff! We share good and bad and give positive feedback and even nag (that's mostly from me, I fear) or caution (me again). Sometimes she gets jealous when I talk about hanging out with my friends here, or I get jealous when she talks about doing fun stuff with her friends there, which may sound strange but I think it comes from that fear of losing the friendship through distance and other factors.
The key is, though, that friendship, like romantic relationships, take a lot of work. You just can't sit on your duff and expect it to thrive. And sometimes you are tired or too busy or feeling cranky, but you make yourself do it because it's important to you. Send an e-card to let the other person know you're thinking about them, or a handwritten thank you note for being such a good friend, or send them a text message when you're sitting in traffic. It doesn't have to be a lot every single time.
But both sides do have to make an effort. I think most of all, it just depends on the personalities of the people involved.
See, I told you I write a lot. :)
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