Honesty is the Best Policy

Honesty is the best policy, right? In the past six months, I have been confronted with several situations where I have been advised not to express my concerns or true opinions in fear of hurting the other person. In each situation, I have gone forward and expressed my opinion and for the most part, it has been well received. And this past week, it was not, which had lead to a huge uproar. So is being honest the best thing to do?

I admit to being a very stubborn, judgmental, and sometimes overly critical person, but I view things in my own way, which has been reinforced through the years. After spending what felt like a lifetime with an individual who outright lied, lied by omission, and told white lies to spare my feelings, I learned how painful it was to learn to trust. When all you heard were lies for years, the truth sounds the same, unless it's brutal. During my divorce, I discovered one of the major loves of my life, my best friend, John.

I can honestly say, I would not have survived the dissolution of my marriage or discovered who I was without him. John had very strong and vocal opinions and he freely stated them to me while I went through my transition. After finding my way through the emotional and psychological turmoil that had mired me for so long, I created a new persona and moved on with my life, only to have it all come to a grinding halt by the reappearance of my ex, who I allowed back in my life.

John informed me that he could not support my decision. Furthermore, he did not want to hear about my relationship with my ex. He placed rules on our friendship. He also said that not if, but when my ex ripped my heart out and tried to destroy me again, John would be waiting to help me recognize the person I had become. I felt he was harsh and questioned his rules, but we plowed through as friends. And he was right. The moment my ex pulled the same b.s. on me, John was the first to point out that my ego had been hurt, but that I was a stronger woman and hadn't allowed the previous nature of our relationship to develop.

Through the years, I have mimicked John's behavior. I am loving and caring in my relationships, yet I expect the same. And if I disagree with something a friend does, I comment on it. In the end, it is healthier for the friendship, rather than letting animosity build. John had been right about my ex and many other things. He supported me through the good and the bad, but he expressed his fear, concern, and love for me, rather than coddle me in the hopes I'd make a better decision.

Unfortunately, I took a similar stance with John a few years ago over one of his decisions and he died before we could rectify our strained friendship. I know he was proud of me for holding to my beliefs and he knew I loved him since we still exchanged many emails and cards. I honor him every day with how I handle my friendships and continue living my life the way he taught me. In the end, I hope my friends and loved ones, understand the only reason I am harsh with my opinions is because I truly love and care for them and want to protect them.