Has It Really Been That Long?

Ten years ago, James and I had a drink together after class marking the beginning of our relationship. When we met, I was in a bad place, both emotionally and mentally. I was in the process of rebuilding my life and was very determined not to let anything interfere with my plans. At the same time, I live off of lists. I have a bucket list, a career list, a pro and con list, and when I was dating, I had the man of my dreams list. This list consisted of traits that I could not live with or without and the superficial side items I'd prefer.

James did not match up with several of the superficial items on my list. He was a good ‘ole boy who drove a truck and lived in a trailer in Mulberry, FL. For those who don’t know, Mulberry is a dot on the map in Polk County. If you drive State Road 60 and enter Polk, it’s marked by an old drive-in screen in the strawberry fields. I’ll admit to enjoying dating taller men, yet James is 4 inches shorter than me, which is a significant height difference. I had avoided muscular men because of my fear of being physically dominated, yet James is a former Marine who maintains a hard core workout regimen that creates a body of pure muscle. As a former Marine, James is also very efficient with weaponry and when we first met, there were many weapons in his house, which took some getting used to.

Then there were the not so superficial items such as he was raised by a single mother. I had decided my future husband could not come from a broken home. I thought this would affect the way he viewed family. James definitely views family and relationships differently than anyone else I know, but how can you not love a guy who helped his mother through three bouts of cancer and had no qualms calling to check on her and saying he loved her in front of his new girlfriend. I learned that though he came from a broken home, he had such love and respect for his mother that I couldn’t fault him.

As for the other items on my lists, James met the required items and did not suffer from any of the “I can’t live with” criterion. In no way is he perfect, yet he is perfect for me. He has been my biggest supporter and knows how to talk me down when I get frantic without being insulting. He accepts my many faults and quirks and is understanding of my layers of baggage. We can sit in a room and not talk or we can talk for hours. And most importantly, he loves me for who I am.

A few hours after our first outing together, I received an email from James asking me on our first date. This was one of my criterion. I wanted a man who knew what he wanted and went after it; someone who was comfortable with himself and could make decisions about the future on his own. As many of you know, James proposed to me almost four months after what I deem our first date. So though he was not the man I imagined, he was the man for me.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetie! Thanks for the memories and for our future together.