Laundry Day

Day 5, Tuesday
9:30 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. It is getting harder and harder to get up since my sleep pattern is completely thrown off, but I persevered. Bartle and I began our morning with a lengthier walk, since the weather has been so nice, but the temps are going higher, which means I won't be able to walk him in the heat for too long. I know it will shock everyone to discover that with all Bartle's fur, he is susceptible to heat sickness. We returned home to our last day of painkillers and the anti-inflammatory, cleaned the wound, and tried to force him to eat. Bartle refuses to eat much, which still disturbs me. Began a load of laundry, the first of many, and sat with a book and cup of coffee. I truly did plan to be motivated today, but my best plans get sidetracked real easily.

12:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. Called the doctor for my yearly test results. No need to worry, everything is normal. The gals and I had recently questioned why my doc had ordered a pap test this year considering I no longer have a cervix. This led to a humorous conversation since a few of my friends didn't realize that was removed during my hysterectomy. The nurse explained that since my hysterectomy was due to a cancerous condition, the doc prefers to do a pap test because it can detect cancerous cells on the vaginal wall. I was relieved to hear that he was being extra cautious rather than him forgetting he had performed the surgery or not realizing the body part was missing during my exam. I can't help thinking this way after my last two former primary care doctors continuously ordered pregnancy tests. Once that was done, I hung out with my friend, streaming television, instead of working. At this point, I was on my third load of laundry and didn't want to acknowledge my wastefulness of the day.

4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Jumped in the shower and took Bartle for another walk, in which I regretted showering since I felt grimey upon my return. I moved away from Florida for many reasons, one of them being the heat. Another cleaning of the wound and Bartle was ready for a nap. I finished the last load of laundry and focused on my lecture. I honestly, didn't get far with it because viewing the changes to the powerpoint on my netbook is difficult. I'm beginning to realize I may need to go back to the eye doctor. I recently noticed that my presentation notes were becoming difficult to read at the podium and on Sunday, I had trouble reading Kris' bio when introducing him. So I decided to watch more t.v. instead. I know, it was not the best game plan since there is a huge to-do list waiting for me.

6:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. Delia called to check up. Apparently she was concerned because I had written that I had cried the night before. In the past few months, my emotional state has been tricky. I've been overwhelmed by my concern and frustration with my family then feelings of neglect and isolation followed by guilt then more neglect, which is compounded by my frustration at not finding the right balance with my diagnosis (which I have recently found), and my concerns with Mich and the changing dynamic of our friendship. On top of all those stress factors then there is my increased work responsibilities and the thought of where it is leading. So I've been a bit emotional and trying to find my place. I truly am blessed in my friends and pseudo-family that I have created. They are wonderful people. Talked to hubby who reminded me I had promised my boss I'd review some photos, so I was on to another task.

7:00 p.m. - 12:30 a.m. Our home laptop's operating system died a few weeks ago and all of our backed up files are on the external drive, which stores all of our photos. I went through the files searching for high resolution pictures I've taken of the department that my boss can use for our new brochure. This took a while as I have a lot of pictures. Erin texted to say things went well with her ultrasound and so far, it looks like she's having a girl. I am truly happy for her. Erin is such an amazing mom. Took Bartle for another walk, cleaned him, and prepared for bed. As I started to drift off to sleep, a loud crash in the kitchen woke me. Turns out, Bartle had finally decided to try to eat, but his cone had toppled the food bowl, sending food every direction and the water bowl was knocked on its side, spilling water under the washing machine. He was hunched against the cabinets, appearing scared, so I comforted him before cleaning up the mess. And finally managed to get to bed all the while questioning if I would wake with the 5:45 a.m. alarm.