Recently a friend asked our group
if we believed in lasting love between couples. She declared her belief in
unconditional and pure love for a child but said she watches older couples holding hands and questions whether they're just content and going through the motions or are they still in love with each other.
I've had several great loves in my life but had romantic relationships with only two of those individuals. (For those doing the math, I admit to several lustful situations which doesn't count as great loves.) The other great loves are/ were friends. I don't believe in true love or the idea that there is one perfect person out there for me. Depending on where I'm at in life, I'm positive there are multiple individuals who would be my perfect mate for that moment who would not be a comfortable fit years down the road. I feel everyone is forever changing and evolving based on the events in their lives. For myself, I hope to grow as a person and not become stagnant and bored with life, which has led to me not being the person hubby dated a decade ago. I think it's too much pressure to expect your partner to never change and to remain that person who you initially fell in love with or to expect his/ her interests and personalities to be perfectly compatible with yours for decades. With marriage, you make a commitment and it's a question of how much do you care for this person? And yes, I believe love is cyclical and couples fall in and out and back in love with each other over time. I have yet to meet the perfect couple who has broken me of this belief. If you know of one, let me know.
So I'm unsure if those older couples are still in love. I hope they are in love, but I also recognize that there is nothing wrong with contentment and companionship either. What do you think? Is there such a thing as true love or the perfect partner? Do you believe love lasts forever and couples shouldn't fall out of love? And this doesn't even touch on the idea that each of us may define love differently.
3 comments:
I think your last line about us all defining love differently is the real question. Do I think there was just one person our there for me. No. I think chance had a lot to do with who I married. Chance for both of us. The fact that we were friends first helped, too. Married life has its ups and downs. At various times, we fought. But it's part commitment (we both made it and expected it to work. It's part taking someone else's wants and desires into consideration, often before you take care of your own wants and desires. It's also concentrating on the good as much as possible. Granted, sometimes, the good disappears, and changes have to be made. Do people fall out of love. Yes. Sometimes other events take precedence, sometimes things go wrong. Do I still love my husband after all these years? Am I "in love" with him after all these years? Well, I still consider him first most of the time, so I know I love him. And when I think of his eyes, his kindness and care, his emotional support, and (sigh) yes, those *shoulders* I know I am still in love with him.
Love changes over time, just as people do. Do I have the same kind of love for Jerry that I had when I was 21? Nope. Does he get on my nerves? A lot! Yep! Do I get on his nerves? Yep! Are we committed? Yep! Do we need each other? Yes, but in a different way then when we were young. Do I punch him at night to make sure he's still breathing? Yep!
I just think back to Grandma Dunn's funeral and how Grandpa took out a photograph of her when she was a young girl and said, "Isn't she beautiful?" It was like to him, she was always that young, beautiful girl he fell in love with.
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