Kay's comment: "I think that a lot of them would slip into the intimate hoo-hoo if given the eyebrow lift," on Male/ Female Relations made me think of this quote from the movie, Simply Irresistible:
Amanda: My friend Nolan told me this thing about men and sex, that they think about it 238 times a day and when they do they adjust their belts.
Tom: That's ridiculous, no, no, not the belt- I meant the amount. That's ridiculous. Do the math I'm awake maybe 17 hours a day. Times 60 would be 1020, divided by 238, that would be sex about every 4 minutes... yeah, yeah, that's about right.
Quotes available thanks to IMDB.
I know in recent years some of my male friends have crossed the line, believing that my flirty banter and compliments meant I wanted something more. And I won't deny that after many months of clearly stating I was not interested in anything more than friendship, one of my former pals, Jason, shocked me by saying he would wait until I was ready to be with him (there was more to this, but since I've interacted with Jason as a professional colleague, I can't go any further in writing, but let's say the st... word ended that friendship).
So why do men appear to place sex first when interacting with women whereas women truly are seeking friendship? When talking to Kay, I realized that a majority of my male friends would have slept with me if I had indicated an interest, even though sex would have damaged our friendships. In a recent conversation with hubby, I asked him what are three things he wanted from marriage and three things that make him happy. You guessed it, sex appeared on both lists.
It's curious why sex is so important to men compared to women? I personally enjoy sex, believe that the release of endorphines is beneficial, ogle men and enjoy my eye candy, and highly recommend flings for those not in a relationship, so then why isn't sex such a high priority on my mind? Why would I place friendship over a sexual relationship? (Replace the my and I with most females). Anyone else have an explanation?
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5 comments:
What's the st... word? Steroids? Stiffy? Stupendous? My mind is a blank.
There is one female I know who has admitted she is a nympho, so we must speak in generalizations on the subject. :)
According to the Kinsey Institute's 2010 study, "More than half the participants in the 2010 national sex survey ages 18-24 indicated that their most recent sexual partner was a casual or dating partner. For all other age groups, the majority of study participants indicated that their most recent sexual partner was a relationship partner. Men whose most recent sexual encounter was with a relationship partner reported greater arousal, greater pleasure, fewer problems with erectile function, orgasm, and less pain during the event than men whose last sexual encounter was with a non-relationship partner."
Were all the guys who would have had sex with you if you'd indicated you wanted to, single? Or were they married, or in relationships? This is an interesting question. :)
I threatened to have stalking charges brought against him. I can share the story with you sometime, but as I said, I won't put in writing.
Now that you've brought it up, the guys who bisbehaved or gave the impression that they were willing were all either single or casually dating. I agree that people like my friend Tim, who was dedicated to his wife, and my pal and colleague, Kevin :), would never consider any inpropriety.
They may not see sex as something that can damage a friendship--and if both friends are single AND only interested in casual sex, they may be right. After all, if you're friends, you already know that you're comfortable with the other person. Maybe there are factors in place which automatically rule you out as romantic partners (one person wants to have kids, one does not--that sort of thing) but there's companionship and attraction. Friends with Benefits has its appeal for both sexes, I think.
The guys who are either in committed relationships themselves or know that you are--they simply care less about the damage done than they care about getting what they want at that moment. This outlook probably factors into many aspects of their lives; they'd probably also throw friendship under the bus for other objectives as well.
Becky
P.S. I love Sarai's guess that the st word might be "stiffy". There's short story potential there . . . "I was friends with this guy until the st- word came into the conversation . . . "
Becky
I was wondering what the "st" was also. I was traveling down all kind of st words, stud, stick, stack, stink, strut, stoke...I wonder if men have a different view on what a "friend" is. Be they male or female. I know a guy who had sex with his best friends wife.
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