Give and Take

I regularly remark on the give-and-take relationship dynamic because I have been in many situations where I'm the giver and rarely, if ever, is it reciprocated. I do not sustain these relationships with friends and partners but due to family ties, I regularly find myself giving until there is nothing left of me to my family. I have written over the years about my family drama and my tactics for self-preservation yet still question my handling of the situation.

When I visited Florida in January, there was more drama but I washed my hands of it. My sister had not been feeling well and was awaiting test results. Of course, every conversation revolved around this topic and her self-diagnosis. This is one of the reasons I cringe when discussing my health issues. Yes, my health issues affect every aspect of my life, but they do not define who I am. I refuse to use them as a crutch or conversation topic. But my sis enjoys have drama in her life, so I figured this was another issue that she would exploit. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with a thyroid tumor, but a minute one that could not be biopsied. Her blood tests do not show elevated white cell count, hence it's most likely a benign growth.

My final day visiting, I was completely frustrated by the continuous discussion, especially since I rarely get any support concerning my health issues (i.e., Mich drove me to the seminar, no nap time considerations, and repeated late night phone calls). The perfect ending for me was discovering that my family was aware that sis was dating (when she's not supposed to be) a married man. And when I questioned sis about it, she lied to me repeatedly.

Fast forward five months and I have not spoken to my sis. I received several text messages this past week and finally a post on my facebook page saying she needed her older sister. I should have remembered, no good deed ... After listening to my sis rant for a solid five minutes about needing to see a cardiologist; that she has the same heart condition as our mother; and she's not 35 yet, but her body is falling apart on her, I finally lost it. My irate response had to do with the fact that she has not been diagnosed with anything yet; I've been seeing cardiologists since my 20s and have not received the dreaded diagnosis because there are plenty of other minor things that could cause these issues; and maybe she should consider taking better care of herself.  I received the "you just don't understand" response, which infuriated me. I pointed out that if she had ever bothered to contact me in the past six months, she would know that I've had multiple cardiac episodes, currently take medication to regulate my heart rate and that I've had to make major lifestyle adjustments in order to deal with everything.

At the end of this call, I was left feeling empty. Years ago, I was close to my sister, but now, she is a complete stranger. I listened to her, feeling bad that she is facing this uncertainty, yet experiencing it from a distance. The divide between us has widened to a yawning chasm that runs deeper than I ever realized. My siblings have our parents to support them through whatever crisis develops. I have an amazing set of friends, who have become my family to guide me through the rough times. My family has regularly forgotten to call me for the holidays, where as my friends call or message me with greetings. So I was amazed at how unsympathetic I must have sounded to my sis, but I just felt so completely empty while listening to her and couldn't find the words to demand, when is it her turn to worry about me?